About me

Friday, June 10, 2011

My attempt at "reflection"...not something I do often enough...

I have A LOT of faults. I'm sure everyone feels this way. One of my faults is that I over schedule my life and then get stressed b/c of it....when in reality I COULD control a lot of it.
well, I argue that fact all the time with myself ... "I HAVE to do this b/c of this..." etc..you know how that goes right?
makeup appts, trial runs, contracts, doctors appts, appts for the kids, grocery shopping etc. Mostly it's the immense stress that comes from running an extremely busy business. My husband is busy building his chiropractic business and I am left to be full time mom, full time business owner/employer and wife. I feel like that leaves VERY little time for being the Friend I want to be. The wife I want to be and even the Mother I want to be.

I got this great comment from Amanda at Runninghood on my last post. Amanda has been a huge blessing in my life and I'm sure she's not even aware of it. I can relate more to her posts than any others I 've ever read. I feel like I struggle with all the same things she does....it is strange and eery sometimes. HOWEVER, Amanda uses her skills and talents to sort through and REFLECT on her struggles and experiences in a way I WISH I knew how to do! anyway...here's just a snip it from her comment on my last post:

Just let this make you stronger...a good time to really reflect and zoom in on want you WANT from running! I think for me, I'm always go go go go going and even if I think I'm taking time to think and know what I want from my life, sometimes it takes being sidelined for me to really sit with my thoughts and come out of it all with a clearer, fiercer, and more go get 'em focus to my life, running, motherhood, spirituality, etc. I always say that my hamstring injury was the BEST thing that ever happened to me and I came back soooo much stronger and more determined than ever. NOt that I am saying that this is a good thing by any means...In fact if someone said this to me when I was injured, I might have eaten their face for dinner!!!! I needed to come to these conclusions on my own. And it took not being able to run for me to really feel my full fire being lit...not just as a runner but with so many things.

. I find that the more positives I focus on, the more I get out of life. The most I shove all those negative thoughts and feelings out the window the best I can and focus on the abundance in life, it just keeps coming and this helps my body heal way faster!! All that positive energy is the BEST medicine...serious stuff!

So today..I made an attempt to think about my thoughts...as they fly through my mind.....see that's my problem...I just don't stop to focus on them or sort through them...OR I have the opposite problem where I get super OCD and just circle around and around in the same issue-but getting no where!.
ANYWAY...as I went back to the doc today and had some time alone driving I tried to calm my very overactive, Busy, scattered brain and actually THINK about what I want out of running. I have already started this process with my work and parenting but it still needs a lot more time and reflection.
Anyway...A few thoughts about my running:

- Running is not the end all and be all to my life. It's been 28 days since I could run and clearly I am doing just fine:)

-Running was starting to take up too much of my mind space. When I should have been thinking about my children or husband or business repsonsibilities, I was thinking about running.

-do I want to be a serious competetive runner? yes. But can I do that and still keep balance in my family? probably not. Some could..me? not sure. what's more important? family.

-When I start to run / train again, I want to take a more relaxed, fun, conservative approach. I want to feel the sheer JOY of running again. Yes, I want to compete and do well and still get that sub 3hr marathon but not at the expense of my health. I am okay if it takes longer if it means I am not a crazy psycho, have to get EVERY SINGLE MILE IN OR ELSE I WILL FAIL type of attitude I have developed:)

-My body really went through the ringer during marathon training, I got hurt twice and sick twice....my body was just being crazy..next time I will give myself a much longer cycle than 8wks (It should have been 10 had I not gotten sick the first 2wks). But still, I want to try something totally different.

- I would like to take 12 to 16 wks and ENJOY my training more, not put so much pressure on myself. I am not going to do any long marathon paced runs. I want to see how I feel doing progression runs and any other long runs at about 30-40seconds slower than race pace. It's good to try something different.

- I am still a very NEW young runner and I think I should try different styles, types and philosophies on training so that I can discover what WORKS FOR ME:) I am EXCITED about this!!!

- I am going to eat more sweets...well maybe not more but I am not going to feel guilty about eating them when I do. I work hard and if I want to eat them, I will. I want to learn to RELAX:)

okay...so that was my first attempt at really REFLECTING and writing down some thoughts.
I don't feel all that sad about my current situation. I know things happen for a reason and had this NOT happened, I would have just kept going, head down and plowing through the mud unaware of the other possibilities out there for me:)

more to come.....


  1. Ughhh-I've had no time to check on blogs but here I look this morning and click on yours to touch base with you and I see this!

    I thought this was awesome Nicole!!!!! I've been thinking about you a bunch the last couple of days and wondering how you were dealing with this and then I get to read this post!! GREAT reflections.

    Running and mind space. This is such a tough one for me when I'm working towards a specific goal. My husband, kids-I adore them but I get so focused and it seems as though everything else in life is a blur. I don't want my memories of my kids to be a blur...I think I've managed to get a better handle on this the last year.

    I could actually comment on all of these but once again I'm on my phone. I think you really have your head on straight here and this is the perfect attitude to take forward in recovery and then training again! Have a great Saturday girl! Hope your healing well.

  2. Nicole, this is some really great stuff! Seriously some great reflection here and I can see you've worked through some BIG thoughts! I'm so glad my pre-coffee ramblings (as Jenn calls my early morning e-mails/comments) proved to be worthwhile. Ha! Those are the times I write the most because my kids are usually still sleeping. And rereading them is like reading words from a stranger sometimes so whatever gets in my brain when I write stuff like that is trying to teach me and help me with my own similar lessons as you! :)
    Also love that you will be trying new things the next time around. jenn said something to me about the idea that there are so many training plans out there is because everyone is different and what works for one doesn't work for all! So go find what works best for Nicole!

    You're right, family is the most important and LIfe is so stinkin' short to not remember to focus on the most important things. And good for you for also being gentle, patient and LOVING with YOU! So easy to just be hard on ourselves so much of the time. But sounds like you are really loving Nicole! And yes, eat those things that you love!! You can definitely afford having treats and enjoying the foods you love...this is part of makes life the BEST!! And I say everything in moderation...the people that live in moderation are the most balanced people I know and balance is KEY to a happy life! So of course don't go and binge on crap every day but if the biggest part of your diet is a healthy one then by all means, splurge on the yummy stuff that makes you feel like you're treating yourself. I just at a half of a large pizza last night and don't have one regret! That is my Friday treat. :)

    I'm off to the Helvetia half to go cheer some peeps on! This was great Nicole. Best post yet...they just get better and it is fun to watch you grow as this blog progresses! Reread this one from time to time...at least the parts at the end where you tell yourself what you're thinking. xo

  3. This is all lovely to read. Life is a learning process, and balance is tough to find. Love Amandas wisdom and kind words. Focusing on LIVING your life is wonderful instead of just passing through...if only this were easy!

    Your head and heart are in a good place right now, your body will catch up soon enough. I'm glad to read that you are focusing on all of the wonderful blessing you have!

  4. such a powerful post...thanks for the reflection

  5. I'm a new follower!!! Found you through Harmony :) Great post. So sorry about the fracture. I've been dealing with knee issues off and on since last year. Very frustrating.


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