About me

My attempt at "reflection"...not something I do often enough...

I have A LOT of faults. I'm sure everyone feels this way. One of my faults is that I over schedule my life and then get stressed b/c of it....when in reality I COULD control a lot of it.
well, I argue that fact all the time with myself ... "I HAVE to do this b/c of this..." etc..you know how that goes right?
makeup appts, trial runs, contracts, doctors appts, appts for the kids, grocery shopping etc. Mostly it's the immense stress that comes from running an extremely busy business. My husband is busy building his chiropractic business and I am left to be full time mom, full time business owner/employer and wife. I feel like that leaves VERY little time for being the Friend I want to be. The wife I want to be and even the Mother I want to be.

I got this great comment from Amanda at Runninghood on my last post. Amanda has been a huge blessing in my life and I'm sure she's not even aware of it. I can relate more to her posts than any others I 've ever read. I feel like I struggle with all the same things she does....it is strange and eery sometimes. HOWEVER, Amanda uses her skills and talents to sort through and REFLECT on her struggles and experiences in a way I WISH I knew how to do! anyway...here's just a snip it from her comment on my last post:

Just let this make you stronger...a good time to really reflect and zoom in on want you WANT from running! I think for me, I'm always go go go go going and even if I think I'm taking time to think and know what I want from my life, sometimes it takes being sidelined for me to really sit with my thoughts and come out of it all with a clearer, fiercer, and more go get 'em focus to my life, running, motherhood, spirituality, etc. I always say that my hamstring injury was the BEST thing that ever happened to me and I came back soooo much stronger and more determined than ever. NOt that I am saying that this is a good thing by any means...In fact if someone said this to me when I was injured, I might have eaten their face for dinner!!!! I needed to come to these conclusions on my own. And it took not being able to run for me to really feel my full fire being lit...not just as a runner but with so many things.

. I find that the more positives I focus on, the more I get out of life. The most I shove all those negative thoughts and feelings out the window the best I can and focus on the abundance in life, it just keeps coming and this helps my body heal way faster!! All that positive energy is the BEST medicine...serious stuff!

So today..I made an attempt to think about my thoughts...as they fly through my mind.....see that's my problem...I just don't stop to focus on them or sort through them...OR I have the opposite problem where I get super OCD and just circle around and around in the same issue-but getting no where!.
ANYWAY...as I went back to the doc today and had some time alone driving I tried to calm my very overactive, Busy, scattered brain and actually THINK about what I want out of running. I have already started this process with my work and parenting but it still needs a lot more time and reflection.
Anyway...A few thoughts about my running:

- Running is not the end all and be all to my life. It's been 28 days since I could run and clearly I am doing just fine:)

-Running was starting to take up too much of my mind space. When I should have been thinking about my children or husband or business repsonsibilities, I was thinking about running.

-do I want to be a serious competetive runner? yes. But can I do that and still keep balance in my family? probably not. Some could..me? not sure. what's more important? family.

-When I start to run / train again, I want to take a more relaxed, fun, conservative approach. I want to feel the sheer JOY of running again. Yes, I want to compete and do well and still get that sub 3hr marathon but not at the expense of my health. I am okay if it takes longer if it means I am not a crazy psycho, have to get EVERY SINGLE MILE IN OR ELSE I WILL FAIL type of attitude I have developed:)

-My body really went through the ringer during marathon training, I got hurt twice and sick twice....my body was just being crazy..next time I will give myself a much longer cycle than 8wks (It should have been 10 had I not gotten sick the first 2wks). But still, I want to try something totally different.

- I would like to take 12 to 16 wks and ENJOY my training more, not put so much pressure on myself. I am not going to do any long marathon paced runs. I want to see how I feel doing progression runs and any other long runs at about 30-40seconds slower than race pace. It's good to try something different.

- I am still a very NEW young runner and I think I should try different styles, types and philosophies on training so that I can discover what WORKS FOR ME:) I am EXCITED about this!!!

- I am going to eat more sweets...well maybe not more but I am not going to feel guilty about eating them when I do. I work hard and if I want to eat them, I will. I want to learn to RELAX:)

okay...so that was my first attempt at really REFLECTING and writing down some thoughts.
I don't feel all that sad about my current situation. I know things happen for a reason and had this NOT happened, I would have just kept going, head down and plowing through the mud unaware of the other possibilities out there for me:)

more to come.....