About me

Back from Maui.....Pictures! and running dilemma..need a pick me up!

I'm Back!
what  A Trip! we had so much fun. I don't even know where to start. Not being a great writer at all....how do I blog about a 6 day trip?I have trouble blogging about 1 day. hmm.... I am not very good at this.
Anyway, perhaps I will share some highlights of the trip in bullet form for now b/c then I'm off to BED!

- Girls were fabulous on the plane! you never know with my little mooshy...can be hit or miss...
-arrived and checked in and headed STRAIGHT to the beach!!!
- We did a snorkel tour on Monday to Molokini crater and then turtle town. By this time Erika as SO overtired (we had a 3hr time diff so she was waking up at 4:30am (7:30am our time)). the she had a total break down and I got to spend all of 5min in the water at Molokini. Steve was out with Megan and I just wanted him to enjoy himself. I could have thrown her overboard in the height of the screaming lol.  once we got to Turtle town, I jumped in and immediately saw a sea turtle. saw a total of 3 in 20min. They are such graceful creatures:)
-Getting to be the one who did my mom's hair/makeup for her wedding day! so special!
-Got to do some snorkelling with steve ALONE which I LOVED
-stuffing my face all week long! I drank so much pepsi it was disgusting:) but I LOOOOVE it!
-seeing my daughters play like BEST FRIENDS! reminded me of me and my sister Tracey when were little and on vacations. warmed my heart!
-relaxing and really not thinking "too much" about running or work...just enjoying the freedom to eat and sleep as I pleased:)
-Getting woken up by Steve at 12:15am last night b/c he is in extreme pain! find bite marks on his back...rush him to the ER find out he was bit by a venomous centepede.
dont' get much sleep when we get home at 2:30am. would like to know where this Centipede IS!
-Thurs morning...while packing up...come across the centipede in Erika's swimsuit on the floor. about DIED! see pics below.

Anyway...here are some photos and I will post more later this is all I had on my iPhone but Steve has some BEAUTIFUL pics of the wedding etc!
Arriving in MAUI!

 Megan and I seeing my mom for the first time in a YEAR when we woke up the next morning!

one of my Athleta swim suits. I love this sports bra top:)
 my new friend:) lots of cute gecko's!
 my cute babies!!
 not good coloring in this pic b/c of the flash on my iphone but this was after makeup was done:)
 can't wait to see the PROFESSIONAL pics steve took! 
 at the wedding dinner at a beach front restaurant
 me and my momma!
 this photo takes the cake for the WHOLE VACATION. 
My mom with her grand daughters...they all look beautiful!
 stevie and I on the beach. I look short. 
( I AM short, but I look even shorter)
 girls spent ENDLESS hours in the sand!
 I was taking a picture of megan and this man walked by and just 
offered to snap a pic of me and meg:) that was nice!
 sweet baby girl!
 PIGGING out last night at "Bubba GUMPS"! .....
seriously who can eat that much ice cream? we tried but failed. 

 Aaaaand Last but not least.....

Yes..this thing was in our bed last night. I still dont' know if I will sleep tonight. 
what if another came home with us??????:/

Now...onto the RUNNING:

let me give you an idea of where I'm coming from right now.
I have not been able to run a single step in 3 weeks now since my marathon. Intially I knew I would have 2wks off and was okay with that. Then as Maui approached it seemed the extra week was a good idea since my leg didn't feel fully healed...BUT I was okay with the 3wks b/c I THOUGHT I would be fine by now.

I STILL have pain in my calf AND my ankle:(
My Half marathon is in 4wks.
This is not ANY half marathon. This is the Sauvie Island half marathon on July 4th:
HISTORY: I ran this as my first half marathon less than 2years ago in 2009. I had hardly trained....only did 1 10 mile run....I didn't have a CLUE what i was doing. I ran it in 1:49:24 (8:21 pace). I had never run faster than a 9min pace in the 6mo's I had been running to this point (and had been running 8-20 miles a week). This was sort of the start for me to realizing I might actually have some talent.

Last year I didn't run it b/c it was on a Sunday so I have been WAITING to run this race AGAIN for almost 2yrs. When I hired Joel in September (9mos ago). THIS was THE RACE I wanted to train for. This was THE RACE I was going to KILL! It is a TOTALLY FLAT fast course.....and I am itching for a big PR on my 1:32.....but I dont' think it's going to happen and I am truely SAD.

Now before you start in with "there will be other races" etc etc...I agree. whole heartedly. I have been trying to stay totally rational about this and look at the BIG PICTURE but it doesn't make it any easier. I have 2 of my very good friends that I convinced to run this with me..one of them it will be her first half marathon and it just really really SUCKS!

3wks ago I finished training by running a very self defeating marathon. yes I have dealt with the best I can BUT it still stings, knowing I lost my chance to do what I was trained to do...what i was READY to do. and now that i haven't run at all in 3wks, I know I have lost a lot of fitness and the chances of making a come back for my July 4th half are slim.......
I am watching some very good friends preparing for big races in the next few weeks and I am SO excited for them...but I won't even try to pretend that my heart doesn't ache to be where they are right now.

When something goes SO wrong after training SO hard, it leaves a mark. I want to be them right now. I want to go back to 4wks ago and change the circumstances. I feel like I got robbed.
I need a come back race to help me regain confidence. I need SOMETHING to help me feel like I am still a runner. I want to run FAST..but I can't even gallop down the driveway:(:( I find myself thinking things like "do you think you could even run an easy pace of 8:30 right now?" " I am losing everything I've worked for the last 8mos" "maybe I am just not supposed to be a runner".

I am feeling a bit defeated.
I am encouraged by the fact that so many of you have come back after injuries stronger and better but the pain still stings when you're in the present.

I am going to TRY to run tomorrow.....in hopes that maybe I have had pain when I tried to jog a few steps b/c I didn't have the right shoes on, or b/c the sand was too soft and deep???? but I am trying to be realistic.
we will see how it goes. ...it doesn't help that I have been sick for over a week....stupid cold...is now in my chest.