About me

A lifetime later...

Wow. I almost can't believe what I'm doing right now.... it feels like I'm opening a coffin to a past life....once upon a time, running was a HUGE part of my life.....if you scroll through the archives here you will sense my love and passion and .... maybe dare we say Obsession(?) with running.... It's been 6years since I ran...like really ran.... not counting a mile or 2 here or there that I could probably fit on 2 hands over the lasts 6yrs.... and honestly I hung onto the hope of it being a major part of my life again for almost 4.5yrs. One day I just realized that rather than waiting around I would need to accept that it might not be in the cards for me and to consider other options. I started going to Orange theory fitness last year which then morphed into realizing I needed to lift more which morphed into me finding a new gym called The House  back in February. But fitness isn't so much what has brought me to be sitting here with a laptop in my bed doing the unthinkable. WRITING. 
I have always been a self proclaimed hater of writing, but actually thats not entirely true. I have always known since I was a little girl that I would write a book someday...no this is not the beginning of that.. (or maybe it is?....), but I only enjoy writing when it involves processing my thoughts and feelings about something I'm passionate about. Sooooo maybe you're thinking... what is she so Passionate about? Fitness? makeup? Rodan + Fields?...No, No and no... I mean yes...I Love all those things...but you know what I Love even MORE than all those things?...almost a shameful amount? ........ 


Yes. Food. ugh. 

WHY has food controlled SOOOO much of my life? I know I am NOT alone in this and that many of you are sitting there like "duh.... of course food. Food controls my life too!". I'm actually not passionate about food in the context of dieting.. I'm passionate about CARBS. and SUGAR (oh wait thats just more carbs) and FAT...not avocados fat but like Bacon, butter and Whip cream fat. YUMMMMMMMY.  

So how did I get to blogging? well like every other inspired decision in my life, the decision is usually  made spontaneously. I get that nudge...the one that says YES! THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.. and faster than I can reply in my mind I am already acting on it. THIS nudge came about 10min ago while I was in the shower agonizing over how I'm going to fit into the red dress I have to wear in New Orleans in 2weeks as I walk across a stage in front of 15,000 people? AND, how I am going to be proud of myself when I turn 40 in 4mos b/c I kept my promise to myself the last year to be fit by 40? (spoiler alert: I DIDN'T keeep my promise to myself. Shocker).  

So let me back up and explain exactly how I got here and how I plan to utilize this to once and for all change my bad habits and start being the person I want to be....like for real and for GOOD. not just for a few weeks at a time. 

December of 2017.... I turned 39...... actually this was about 10 days before my birthday.  I realized I was going to  be 40 in a little over a year. FORTY. Honestly, I'm excited for 40, 40 is awesome ( I think?).... but I've always said I would get in the best shape of my life by 40 (after I didn't meet the goal by 30 of course) and It just hit me that I  really wanted to keep this promise! I hired a coach at StrongerU and for the first 16weeks I killed it! I dropped 5-6ish pounds and felt really fit... then it all went to pot. 3 tropical vacations later and I was toast... Now here I am.. it's August and I'm 3lbs heavier than I was when I started this 8 mos ago. GRANTED... some of it BETTER be muscle...but i'm bigger and my clothes are starting not to fit again..but THAT isn't even what bothers me...what bothers me is that I eat my feelings. DAILY. I rely on food to be my counsellor, my best friend, my happy place, my excuse.... I exercise ZERO control when it comes to food.  AND ITS STEALING MY LIFE. 
I'm over it. 
So I asked myself today what I was missing that prevented me from staying on track witha healthy relationship with food and sticking to a plan and a goal. I reflected back and remembered my running days. for YEARS I kept a routine of running and training... 5am wake ups... no matter how tired I was, super hard speed workouts in 95 degree heat.... I did it. I didn't fall off the wagon...i was Disciplined enough and comitted to my goals that I just did it, no matter what. I asked myself "what do I need to do in my life in order to stay on track with my relationship with food?". DISCIPLINE was the loud and clear answer. Motivation is temporary... it comes and goes. DISCIPLINE is a daily CHOICE and Practice. 
The next answer that came to me was ACCOUNTABILITY. Recently at an R+F retreat I hosted for some of my leaders, I had Justine Froelker come out to do a training with us on vulnerability. We discussed and had to write down what our core values were...regardless of whether we were currently living them or not. Mine were Vulnerability. Discipline and Accountability. Boom. There it is. There is my answer. I need to CHOOSE to be disciplined...because I know that I can....I DECIDE what I put into my mouth and my body every day.   I need to be Accountable. Hence, reviving this dead and gone blog. AND I need to be vulnerable...which means sharing all my demons and acknowledging that I have a problem with food... I need to stop eating SHIT FOOD every day all day and so help me, I'm going to do it. 

Justine said that the new research says that it takes 66 days to form a Habit. I have never done ANYTHING for 66 days without cheating. EVER. So here are a few of the things I know I need to do daily to put myself in a postion to succeed. 

1. SLEEP. I need 7-8hrs of sleep every night in order to function and make good choices.
 2. WATER. I need to drink 30-60oz of water a day minimum
3. PLAN. I HAVE to plan my food the day before to ensure I can hit my macros and not get stuck making bad choices in the moment. 
4. STAY ACCOUNTABLE. I need to check in here regularly and be accountable to someone. SO PLEASE ask me how I'm doing with my goals. 
5. EXERCISE. my goal is to keep going to The House 3-4x a week. 

For 66 days I will track and hit my macros. I will sleep well and drink water and go to the gym. I can and I will. Life is just a series of CHOICES.... the better the choices, the happier we are. The more we honor our Core Values, the more in tune we are with our True self. 

Heres to Day 1.