About me

Friday, June 3, 2011

Bad news...

I just got home...sat on the couch and bawled my eyes out. I need to vent so i'm sorry if this post is a downer. you may skip it if you like but I need to DUMP so I can get over it and move on!

My heart... I can feel it physically aching. My mind is racing and my patience is gone.
after 3 LONG weeks of COMPLETE rest, I hopped on the treadmill this morning...HOPEFUL.
but by the 3rd step the SAME pain I felt at mile 22 of my marathon was back. NO difference. no change. not any better:(

I know so many of you have been here before. Please help me? I feel so sad and distraught right now.
I didn't even get to end on a high. I am still feeling a bit sad about the marathon and now this. I feel
completely. DEFEATED.

I am trying to look past the half marathon I've been dreaming of running for 2yrs and think about the 10K and 15K I plan to run in Sept/October. It helps a Little but not enough.
I know this too shall pass.
this too shall pass. this too shall pass...

Off to the Sports Chiropractor on Tuesday, I wanted to get in today but he was full.

I need to dig deep. Depression runs in my family...I have suffered from it badly after each child and certain circumstances (like this one) can trigger me to crawl into my bed and not come out for days:( I don't want to put my family through this. I am stronger than an injury or any set back. I can get through this.

The hardest part is putting on a happy face when inside I am miserable.

I will head to the pool today...my friends will say "how did the run go?"
I will explain what's happened or maybe I won't and it will be dealt with a  simple "oh that sucks" which feels like a response appropriate for when you go to your favorite restaurant for lunch and they were out of your favorite salad dressing..... my non-running friends TRY to understand and I love them for even caring...but they don't understand how running has become a living breathing companion for me....and it's hard to explain.... it's like taking away my best friend in an instant and telling me you don't know when she'll be back or if our friendship will ever be the same when she returns.

10 comments:

  1. Ill be praying for you!! I totally understand for sure. *HUGS* Keep resting your body. I dont want to see you get hurt even more :(
    Jer. 29:11

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nicole- I am sorry you are still having the pain. Hopefully you will find out what is causing it. I completely understand the feelings you are having. Been through it too. Please vent away!! Do you have an inkling of what the cause of the pain is?
    I bet that with the three weeks off, whatever it is is at least half way healed!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Raina, my hubby thinks it is a muscle tear of the flexor digitorum. Getting a second opinion on tues so well see:) my cold has now morphed into a bronchial chest cough sp perhaps I just need a break anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh my poor sweet friend! this stinks! this is so hard and I know can leave you feeling helpless...your mind and body and heart has been waiting and waiting to RUN! Be strong and think of how this will help shape you as a runner. You are a RUNNER...and injury and forced REST doesn't change that. I totally feel your pain...as I too still have this pain on my foot and not sure what my plan B is. Hang in there and know I am here for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Be sure to take good care of yourself :) Nothing sucks quite like being injured. I really understand the depression angle, too. Hoping you heal thoroughly and quickly :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Nicole...I don't know that I could help you but I understand you....I agree with Raina! Perhaps whatever it is is half way healed. Injuries are no fun, defeating, demoralizing and so tough for a competitive spirit. I've been there. You're right "this too shall pass". Keep your head up until Tuesday! Praying for you for good news and peace about the whole situation....

    On a side note-holy hotness in your "about me" profile pic!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! I know exactly how you feel. All you have to do is plan ahead and do what is good and right for you NOW. Crosstrain and rehabilitate. Fill in all your time with things that will benefit you in training for your next race. It'll get better. I know it will

    ReplyDelete
  8. I know we don't know each other but I can so empathize with you! You are going to get through this and be a better and stronger person and runner because of it. I think it is totally normal to be very disappointed and i think you need to feel those emotions and vent! Don't give up hope yet, there are always miracles and you may be able to run Sauvie :) If you are going to Dr. Forcum, he is a miracle worker. I got injured 3 weeks before Boston last year and I was able to run it. There is hope, hang in there and don't worry we will not let you get depressed :) Praying to see you at Sauvie :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Injuries are tough on so much more than a physical level--it's hard not to give up and feel so depressed. That's always how I react.
    You're doing the right thing by planning ahead to other goals (just in case) but I'll be sending good vibes your way!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey girlie. Just saw this. So sorry. :( Good to talk to you today and hope you are staying positive! That strength training will be good for you! :)

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you!!