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Monday, September 5, 2011

Seaside, OR 10K. Race Host: Me:)

half way through my run along the Oregon coast today, I decided to make it a 10K trial run....I was thinking about this upcoming 10K in 3wks trying to figure out what I think I will realistically be capable of with just a few weeks of base miles and so I decided to try to hold the pace I was at. The results were:
6.2 miles in 46:44.  (7:32 pace)

good right? most people will say , great job! yes..thank you, great job......
but INSIDE I'm thinking "seriously? 46:44? and 5 mos ago I ran a 42:30?. hmph.  it's really hard to celebrate things you've ALREADY celebrated.  a year ago that 46min 10K WAS awesome..but not so much when you've already beat it by 4min.
Ugh..help me be GRATEFUL. I can be such a BRATT with myself!

I have mentioned before...I am EXTREMLEY competetive with MYSELF.  I really try hard to not compare myself to others b/c it does me no good. I DO allow myself though to be inspired by others however.

I was able to run into a few old running friends this weekend and was GENUINELY happy to hear of all their success....
37 min 10K's 1:16 half marathons...crazy stuff! but these girls were girls like me a few years ago...so I KNOW I can get there.
I am that eternal optimist when it comes to training and numbers.
I BELIEVE that it just takes the right training and committment. Talent? yes...there needs to be SOME talent..but if you work your booty off you can get there.
I WANT to run a sub 40min 10K. I want to get down in the low 1:20's for a half and I WANT that 3:15 marathon!......(that's a lie...I want a 3hr marathon:):) I know I have big dreams. dont' remind me;)

I KNOW I have a long way to go. I am not by any means kidding myself into thinking this is a 1 year or even 2 year goal. I am looking at the next 3-4yrs to reach these goals, especially since I have less than a year of real running under my belt....but the HEART of me just wants to go NOW! wants to train my butt off and it's SO hard knowing that I CAN'T. I mean I really Can't. If I did, I would seriously risk injury again and that is not worth the risk....
but still it is so hard to be patient...even when I know it's the right thing to do.

My mind is stuck in a trap the last 24hrs...circling over and over about training and races and wanting to be somewhere I'm not. does this ever happen to you?
I have been reminded that if I dont' work HARD to stay BALANCED, I will  again lose focus of what's really important, so it is a GOOD THING that I have limits right now I am not allowed to cross and I just need to be thankful for that.

Some day, I will be allowed to let go and give it everything I've got...for now....I need to just chill my jets and enjoy JUST RUNNING. So hard. so so hard.

ugh...anyway...feel better just venting that out there to cyber space. Can't vent about these things to my hubby b/c he just looks at me like I'm from outer space...he really doesn't "get" my love for running.

So for today....I am working on being thankful for my 46 min 10K. and in 3wks I get to run a REAL 10k with REAL people:)!!

7 comments:

  1. Ugh. This happens to me all the time! Why are runners so hard on themselves?! There are so many people out there that would classify us as crazy and are so impressed with our dedication, yet we stress out about our time and pace and just getting better. I too have to sit back and look at all of my accomplishments sometimes and just realized that I have to be happy. So what if I'm not as fast as some of the other girls? I'm still a runner and I have so much time ahead of me to improve! 46 minutes is amazing, by the way. I have never run a 10k that fast so do not be disappointed in yourself! You did great and will rock your next one for sure!

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  2. I have to constantly remind my self to stop being a brat and just appreciate the fact that I am actually running again. Your speed is still freaking awesome... especially just getting over an injury! I too am a firm believer in set high goals and work your ASS off to reach them; but I must say - YOU have talent. It amazes me that you have only been running for less than a year. You should try incorporating swimming into your training. It has honestly helped me with annoying injury's SO much.

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  3. You are doing great! and never think you aren't fast....you are!! I can't believe what you have accomplished in less than a year of running!

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  4. Oh goodness, you've barely scratched the surface! You've had some great success in only a year, so your future goals are certainly attainable. I understand the frustration through. Patience young grasshopper :)

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  5. Some great reflections and thoughts here Nicole. Way to wear your heart on your sleeve and put your big goals out there. You'll get them too...I have NO doubts about that! So good that you are just being thankful about where you are at right now. live for today...yes! Those goals are all yours girl...you have what it takes to get there...so excited to watch your story unfold. Now you should get out some scissors and glue and magazines and make a vision collage while thinking about your goals. ha ha. love ya!

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  6. You are so amazing and inspiring. I of course have no words of wisdom because YOU are exactly where I aspire to be someday! Even when YOU are not feeling your best or want to achieve so much more, remember that there are so many (ME) that look up to you and dream of achieving what you are today! I get the desire for bettering yourself and pushing for something you love so very much! You WILL get there and I am sooooo looking forward to your posts when you do! You rock and I hope you have a fabulous week!!!!

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  7. Well at least you are being honest with yourself, that is tougher to do then ANYTHING in life.

    Okay so its not easy, BUT YOU WILL GET THERE! Embrace this wonderful time you have for a fresh start and appreciate the progress, it will come I promise. Your goals ARE achievable, you DO have talent, your HEART is a mile deep and long, and your running SPIRIT will not let you down. Keep up all your work girl I know that there are BIG THINGS ahead for you in the long term.

    Sending hugs your way!

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