well...here we are at the end of the week. It will be one week tomorrow since my Non-Boston race:)
I am dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings. I don't feel angry...i don't feel overly depressed....I just feel a bit frustrated and discouraged. My step-dad had to block his number to get me to answer his call today:(
I'm horrible. I find I am not answering the phone...i am not calling my friends even when I feel desperate to talk to someone.
I pick up the phone to call, and then I hear myself saying "why would you call her? she doesn't need to listen to your whining. you have nothing positive to say about this situation today and you suck at pretending you're okay when you're not, so don't bother".
then I put down the phone. not sure HOW many times I have done that the last few days.
I read over the MRI report again and noticed it said "Possible tear of the hamstring tendon at the issial tuberosity". awesome. All the research I have done on this so far screams "Sucks to be you Nicole!". it's an injury that requires A LOT of rehabilitation. doesn't look like I'll be running anytime soon. This is what kills me.
the thought of taking another 2 or MORE months off and having to start over AGAIN in the fall is enough to make me want to go drive my car into a brick wall right now.
I have A LOT of other emotionally draining "issues" outside of running right now and so i need running more than ever and it's not there. I am going to try the eliptical tomorrow, but I will just feel angry and frustrated the whole I'm on there (maybe not, but wouldn't surprise me) because I HATE the eliptical. However, at this point, i am willing to do ANYTHING to get my heart rate up and SWEAT again.
My Step dad called from canada today and told me he would buy me a bike:) this was so sweet. I hate the bike but I actually got excited. there is a 3mi out and back (6 total) bike path right beside my apartment so i think I could start doing that in the morning a few times:)
**here's where I need your help ! for anyone that bikes or does Tri's..what kind of bike do I get? it can't be super expensive b/c that would be rude. but I don't even know where to begin? the last time I rode a bike, I think I was 12:)
Maybe this will get me to goal of a triathalon and iron man sooner than I thought:) you never know. I didn't expect to start training for those for another 10yrs but maybe this will bump it up to 8:)
I took my girls to the 2 mile running/walking loop at the nearby golf course today..they were running like crazy, so I tried to follow and jog REALLY slow...only for 100m or so at a time..the weakness type pain in the front of my thigh was gone, but I could immediately feel the pain and tightness in my hammy/butt and IT band.
It was discouraging...it seemed to yell even louder in my face: "You are NOT returning to running anytime soon girl" it broke my heart. AGAIN.
I am sorry I have not been commenting much or reading blogs. i'ts just hard to do right now.i am trying to find that "spot" where I will be able to cope the next few months. It will probably take some dr's visits, some encouraging news before I get there.
I AM getting a second read and opinion on the MRI images so maybe we can actually get a 100% concrete answer.
anyway....that's all for me now. Going to keep cleaning my apartment and hope that it brings some endorphins my way lol.