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Monday, May 2, 2011

In need of ADVICE... and a smack up side the head!

I have been so busy with life and WORK that I feel like I haven't had a lot of time to really absorb the fact that I am going to run a marathon in 12 days.....yikes!
something feels "weird". ....
this whole 10.5 week training that was originally planned when I started this blog 9 weeks ago has sort of gone out the window.... lets recap:

week 1: ran 2 days got terribly sick. missed 80% of my miles this week
week 2: SICK. missed ALL my miles
week 3: jumped in and ran 50 some odd miles after 3 wks off. (missed ALL my base training)
week 4: ran another hard week
week 5 felt burnt out...only did HALF my mileage:( ran a 5K and didnt' do well at all.
week 6: back to running, ran a great half marathon, PR'd by 14min:)
week 7: hurt myself on my 22 mile run
week 8: didn't run for 6 days due to injury:(
week 9: back to running...sigh...HOW MANY TIMES have I felt like i'm "re-starting"?
week 10: here I am:)....

it's no wonder things feel "weird" to me.... I haven't had more than 2 straight weeks of uncompromised training during the last 10wks....I feel a bit sad when I look at it that way...
could I be better prepared? yes. but I am as prepared as I am going to get I guess now.
I just sort of feel sad instead of excited and somehow I need to get my head in the game!

I have a really hard time getting my heart to match up with my mind. Do you ever have that trouble? you know what makes sense in your head and how you SHOULD feel, but you just don't.
I want a fast first marathon. I have done everything I could but it seems like I just kept getting one road block after another:(....now with the added factors of elevation etc...it seems like the "SMART" thing to do would be to go have "FUN" and just "ENJOY" the race....
but I feel discouraged by own inability to do that.

I had my heart set on a sub 3:20 marathon and now I have to re-evaluate that. In my head, i'm saying YES...don't be silly and set all these time goals on yourself....but i'm afraid that as much as I tell myself that, if I dont' get that sub 3:20 I will just be disappointed...and THAT will make even more frustrated...why should I feel disappointed after running 26.2 freaking miles, right?!! it shouldn't MATTER what my time is...I should just be happy that I RAN THE DARN THING!....

HOW do I stop my self-destruction?
maybe i'm just having a bad day...I don't know but I hate that my heart won't listen to my head!!:(:(

advice?
be gentle...I'm sensitive;)



9 comments:

  1. I think your going to kick butt regardless of the roadblocks you have had. You are a natural born runner. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know thinking saying easier said than done. Val and I were both talking about how fast you have gotten. You will do great!!

    Tahsha

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  2. I know your thinking easier said than done* sorry had to fix my sentence.

    Tahsha

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  3. hey nic...i'm going to try really hard at putting myself in your shoes (I don't have the runner heart/mind like you, but I will try to replace running with writing because I think what you are feeling is universal and can be applied to other things)...first of all, you have trained hard and have been so dedicated and it is amazing how you juggle being a wife, mother, make up artist, friend, blogger and athlete all at the same time. What I have learned in my life is that one of the biggest challenges is to keep my heart and my mind in sync and yes sometimes they stray in different directions, but it's okay. For me, I just stay aware of each entity and make sure that they don't stray too long or too far. When we look back over time, we are so critical of where we weren't our best, and miss out on praising ourselves for the times when we were our best. And our best always changes depending on the circumstances. As soon as you recovered, you were right back at it, and that is the hardest, to start again...so I think this actually takes the most strength than if you had an uneventful 10.5 weeks. You are one of the most determined, strong minded woman I know and although I have rambled on here, my point is (ha ha) that, I don't think you are practicing self-destruction but just reflecting on the realities of where you've been and prepping yourself for what's to come. Our heart always tends to feel the emotions (fear, sadness, overwhelmed, discouraged) and our mind tends to be more rational and realistic about situations..let your heart have a break, I think it's your competitive side speaking its anger about the little setbacks you have had but it's that same competitive nature that will be yelling at you and pushing you through your marathon!

    Hang in there....d.

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  4. ummmm you are going to rock it!

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  5. Thanks ladies...you are all so sweet. I was really not looking for anyone to tell me I am awesome and this and that.... lol..I really just want to ENJOY this experience and I hope My brain/heart chills out and allows me to do that!
    D...your words really touched me thank you. you know me well...guess 22 yrs will do that:) xo

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  6. I went through something similar last fall before I ran the Chicago marathon. For 16 weeks I had my eyes set on a 3:15 finish. My first 10 weeks of training were great, and everything seemed to be going well until those last 6 weeks. I begun to have stomach pains that plagued me all day long making it difficult to eat, sleep, and run. But I kept training even as my pains were getting more and more intolerable. I was doing everything imaginable to try to find the miracle cure for my stomach, but was never successful. As the time was passing my mind started slipping on my abilities. I begun to forget the first successful 10 weeks I had and all that I could focus on was the current time frame and my situation. All of the confidence that I had about my 3:15 marathon was gone, and I kept telling myself that it wasn't possible. Long story short, I had an emotional breakdown at the starting line and couldn't figure out what the heck i was doing there that day and I didn't finish in the time I wanted, not even close.

    My moment of self doubt 7 months ago taught me a lot. Don't question your abilities, you know that you have put in solid time training for this race. You know that you have great speed and your heart desires this so much. 10 weeks of what has seemed like craziness for you has made you a runner that can adapt to ANYTHING! Look at all of the things that you have over come, from an outsiders view I have admiration for your strength and grace in your trials. Believe in yourself, you have to be your biggest fan and supporter! If you tell yourself that you can't, you won't. And it is even more frustrating when you have a self-distructive race, they are really hard to move past (I still have wounds from last fall).

    Remember all of the things you overcame. Go out on race morning and believe that you are going to crush all of your expectations. Yes it is an accomplishment to finish a marathon, blah blah blah, but know that no matter how the race turns out...this is your first marathon and there will be plenty of other races. PLENTY!!! The marathon is tough, and it has eaten me alive on 6 different occasions yet I keep going back.

    Start talking to yourself affirming that you have the 3:20 marathon in the bag, crazy yes but it works. Create a mantra, surround yourself with positivity! And take a mental time out when you start to doubt yourself to embrace all of your hard work.

    Keep your head up girl!

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  7. Hey! Just found your blog and am now following! I think you are going to be just fine. I had some injuries that hindered my training when I ran my first half last year. I scrapped my time goal and just tried to enjoy myself. I felt so accomplished just finishing the race knowing I haad skipped so many runs. It's so much fun that the time doesn't even matter once you start. The PRs can come later. There will always be another race :)

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  8. working through the adversity is all part of becoming an even better distance runner. You will be fine. Dont worry to much about your finishing time just run the best you can an enjoy. After all its suppose to be fun!

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  9. Nicole, you are amazing and you are going to get through your 1st marathon. Don't be so hard on yourself - trust me! You are way faster than me and I just BQ'ed so I know you can do it :-) My race goal was 3:30 and I ended up running 3:32. I can honestly tell you that the feeling of accomplishment and excitement about finishing your 1st marathon AND qualifying for Boston totally outweighs not running your "goal" time. Send me an email if you want or need any 1st marathon advice, especially since we are so close in race date. You've got this!! xo

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