About me

In need of ADVICE... and a smack up side the head!

I have been so busy with life and WORK that I feel like I haven't had a lot of time to really absorb the fact that I am going to run a marathon in 12 days.....yikes!
something feels "weird". ....
this whole 10.5 week training that was originally planned when I started this blog 9 weeks ago has sort of gone out the window.... lets recap:

week 1: ran 2 days got terribly sick. missed 80% of my miles this week
week 2: SICK. missed ALL my miles
week 3: jumped in and ran 50 some odd miles after 3 wks off. (missed ALL my base training)
week 4: ran another hard week
week 5 felt burnt out...only did HALF my mileage:( ran a 5K and didnt' do well at all.
week 6: back to running, ran a great half marathon, PR'd by 14min:)
week 7: hurt myself on my 22 mile run
week 8: didn't run for 6 days due to injury:(
week 9: back to running...sigh...HOW MANY TIMES have I felt like i'm "re-starting"?
week 10: here I am:)....

it's no wonder things feel "weird" to me.... I haven't had more than 2 straight weeks of uncompromised training during the last 10wks....I feel a bit sad when I look at it that way...
could I be better prepared? yes. but I am as prepared as I am going to get I guess now.
I just sort of feel sad instead of excited and somehow I need to get my head in the game!

I have a really hard time getting my heart to match up with my mind. Do you ever have that trouble? you know what makes sense in your head and how you SHOULD feel, but you just don't.
I want a fast first marathon. I have done everything I could but it seems like I just kept getting one road block after another:(....now with the added factors of elevation etc...it seems like the "SMART" thing to do would be to go have "FUN" and just "ENJOY" the race....
but I feel discouraged by own inability to do that.

I had my heart set on a sub 3:20 marathon and now I have to re-evaluate that. In my head, i'm saying YES...don't be silly and set all these time goals on yourself....but i'm afraid that as much as I tell myself that, if I dont' get that sub 3:20 I will just be disappointed...and THAT will make even more frustrated...why should I feel disappointed after running 26.2 freaking miles, right?!! it shouldn't MATTER what my time is...I should just be happy that I RAN THE DARN THING!....

HOW do I stop my self-destruction?
maybe i'm just having a bad day...I don't know but I hate that my heart won't listen to my head!!:(:(

be gentle...I'm sensitive;)