Since I was a little girl, I have been running. and when I say running...I am not referring to the type of running we talk about on this blog. I just mean moving, talking, fidgeting.... non-stop.
ALWAYS. ON. THE. GO.
I am still like this. i can't sit still...My mind keeps racing when i should be listening. I start 5 tasks all at the same time and rarely finish any of them greatly. I am ALWAYS on the go, taking on more than I can handle, and then being grumpy about it when it was my own darn fault.... not knowing how to say no, feeling guilty 24hrs a day etc etc.
You get the picture.
It is the only life I've ever known. Sadly I don't think I know how to function any other way.
My life growing up was some what chaotic. I have mentioned before my mom was an alcoholic plus had to work 2-3 jobs most of my life to support us girls. Bless her heart..she did the VERY best she could with what she had/knew and I am in NO place to say I could have done better.
That being said, it still was a challenge. I learned to cope by being busy and self sufficient. Always on the go...I never learned how to sit and think. to process as some call it. to REFLECT. It is a skill, that now at age 33 with 2 children, I deeply wish I had. I ask Amanda regularily to TEACH me how to reflect...how to process my life, my thoughts, my day to day.....but i'm not sure it can be taught. her and I both agreed she is great at it, but it is a gift she has.
SO...i am going to have to work HARD at this trait. It is becoming a necessity in my life.
I am getting older....I am getting busier.....my kids are growing up and more and more and more trials and "stuff" is being thrown at us/me.
Instead of just living from one day to the next, hoping each day I can just "survive" til bed time and then crash, waking up to do it all over again, I have decided that I need to come up with a PLAN for my life.
I need to start reflecting, planning, setting goals and then getting after it!
I am busy. I am successful. But I am also almost ALWAYS stressed out and overwhelmed and I feel like I'm missing out on life. On the good stuff. The little girl hugs and kisses...the real meaningful time reading books before bed....it's there and it happens but my mind is often already onto the next task. I have been working on this lately and feeling so much more JOY when I do.
This is also a definite trait of ADD which I struggle with. But as my husband says "So what. You have an extra challenge in life. You're gonna have to work harder, but it's not an excuse".
He is very honest and straight forward, no doubt, but most of what comes out of his mouth is true. hate to admit it.
So I have challenges. we all do. they are diff for each of us. Mine is time managment, ADD, living in the MOMENT, living MY LIFE, every day and not just going through the motions.
But I can do this.
I went for a trail run with Amanda today. 7 miles of therapy. THAT'S what I call it! it was GOOD. Oh so good...she ran behind me and seriously talked my ear off but I loved it. I soaked up every little bit of wisdom and 'Amanda-ism's" she threw at me. I have been trying my best to reflect on some of her words and thoughts this afternoon and see if I can turn it into action.
I sat down tonight and tried to write out some "Goals". Surprisingly the things I wrote down were:
-be with my girls-quality time each day
-TALK with my husband-connect, with no distractions
-Run. make it happen. just get out the door.
-Pray. need to stop slacking on this.
-connect with friends/family-find time to talk to those who are important to me
-groceries/household chores etc-these have gone WAY by the way-side with my over booked life. I need to remember my first job is wife/mother:)
-Talk, connect with the girls who work for me.
Notice how there is nothing in here about running a fast 5 or 10k?
I do want to do those things, but FIRST I need to get the BASICS of my life back in order. back to my priorities.
Taking control of MY life. taking time to sit down every sunday night and plan out my week instead of letting my week plan ME!;)
I have alot more work to do..so I better get back to it......I want this week to go as smoothly as possible:)
does anyone else have these challenges? this personality type or ADD? what have you found has helped you?