About me

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Living with ADD, Searching for Balance......

Since  I was  a little girl, I have been running. and when I say running...I am not referring to the type of running we talk about on this blog. I just mean moving, talking, fidgeting.... non-stop.
ALWAYS. ON. THE. GO.

I am still like this. i can't sit still...My mind keeps racing when i should be listening. I start 5 tasks all at the same time and rarely finish any of them greatly. I am ALWAYS on the go, taking on more than I can handle, and then being grumpy about it when it was my own darn fault.... not knowing how to say no, feeling guilty 24hrs a day etc etc.
You get the picture.

It is the only life I've ever known. Sadly I don't think I know how to function any other way.
My life growing up was some what chaotic. I have mentioned before my mom was an alcoholic plus had to work 2-3 jobs most of my life to support us girls. Bless her heart..she did the VERY best she could with what she had/knew and I am in NO place to say I could have done better.

That being said, it still was a challenge. I learned to cope by being busy and self sufficient. Always on the go...I never learned how to sit and think. to process as some call it. to REFLECT. It is a skill, that now at age 33 with 2 children, I deeply wish I had. I ask Amanda regularily to TEACH me how to reflect...how to process my life, my thoughts, my day to day.....but i'm not sure it can be taught. her and I both agreed she is great at it, but it is a gift she has.

SO...i am going to have to work HARD at this trait. It is becoming  a necessity in my life.
I am getting older....I am getting busier.....my kids are growing up and more and more and more trials and "stuff" is being thrown at us/me.
Instead of just living from one day to the next, hoping each day I can just "survive" til bed time and then crash, waking up to do it all over again, I have decided that I need to come up with a PLAN for my life.

I need to start reflecting, planning, setting goals and then getting after it!

I am busy. I am successful. But I am also almost ALWAYS stressed out and overwhelmed and I feel like I'm missing out on life. On the good stuff. The little girl hugs and kisses...the real meaningful time reading books before bed....it's there and it happens but my mind is often already onto the next task. I have been working on this lately and feeling so much more JOY when I do.
This is also a definite trait of ADD which I struggle with. But as my husband says "So what. You have an extra challenge in life. You're gonna have to work harder, but it's not an excuse". 

He is very honest and straight forward, no doubt, but most of what comes out of his mouth is true. hate to admit it.
So I have challenges. we all do. they are diff for each of us. Mine is time managment, ADD, living in the MOMENT, living MY LIFE, every day and not just going through the motions.

But I can do this.

I went for a trail run with Amanda today. 7 miles of therapy. THAT'S what I call it! it was GOOD. Oh so good...she ran behind me and seriously talked my ear off but I loved it. I soaked up every little bit of wisdom and 'Amanda-ism's" she threw at me. I have been trying my best to reflect on some of her words and thoughts this afternoon and see if I can turn it into action.

I sat down tonight and tried to write out some "Goals". Surprisingly the things I wrote down were:

Daily:
-be with my girls-quality time each day
-TALK with my husband-connect, with no distractions
-Run. make it happen. just get out the door.
-Pray. need to stop slacking on this.

Weekly: 
-connect with friends/family-find time to talk to those who are important to me
-groceries/household chores etc-these have gone WAY by the way-side with my over booked life. I need to remember my first job is wife/mother:)
-Talk, connect with the girls who work for me.


Notice how there is nothing in here about running  a fast 5 or 10k?
I do want to do those things, but FIRST I need to get the BASICS of my life back in order. back to my priorities.
Taking control of MY life. taking time to sit down every sunday night and plan out my week instead of letting my week plan ME!;)
I have alot more work to do..so I better get back to it......I want this week to go as smoothly as possible:)


does anyone else have these challenges? this personality type or ADD? what have you found has helped you?


6 comments:

  1. Love your goals Nicole. Goal setting is so valuable in helping us slow down and focus. I need to do more of this again. Glad for our run. Thanks for letting me talk...it helped me process...see, that's one way I reflect and process....through writing and talking about things...nice to have an audience...even audience of one...or especially just an audience of one. my journals have always helped too. Keep on keeping on girl. "Slow down, you move too fast...you gotta make the moment last..." words from one of my favorite songs. :) xo

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  2. After your recent post on ADD, I realized I too have similar issues/personality traits. The biggest blessing in my life has been marrying someone with a 'Type B' personality. I can't tell you how many times my husband talks me down from my mania about something inconsequential.

    More than anything, I try to force myself to take a step back and ask myself if this (whatever 'this' might be) will matter 5 yaers from now. If not, then I let it go!

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  3. You have excellent goals. I like the way you said, "plan out my week instead of letting my week plan ME!" I need to remember this myself!

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  4. Very inspiring post. I wish I could be that positive like you when it comes to your goals.

    Jacob of running Philippines

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  5. My husband is constantly telling me I need to plan things out more! I also have expectations that I plan in my head but don't share with people --and that can cause some challenges too.
    I am glad you have been able to run with Amanda. Friends can provide some valuable input and they have ways of doing things that help us see what, and how, we can improve ourselves.
    Considering how successful you are- I think it's just a matter of channeling energy where it needs to go. I know you can reach those goals!
    hugs,
    R

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  6. What a great post -- thanks so much for sharing. It always helps to know we are not alone in our struggles. One of my biggest daily struggles is simply to be PRESENT in my life. Or, more specifically, to be PRESENT with my kids. I am always trying to do 12 things at once and none of those are usually the one that I actually SHOULD be doing, whether that is focusing on a child who really needs me at that moment or taking time out to listen to what God is saying to me.

    I think the one thing that has helped me (sometimes) is to literally stop whatever it is I'm doing and just focus my mind to try and figure out what really is important at that moment. Is it really a big deal if I don't get the dishwasher unloaded right then? Can I stop folding clothes or responding to an email long enough to interact with my kids and prevent a fight from erupting? Will the world stop turning if I order pizza for dinner (instead of cooking) and use the time to try to pray? I don't do these things often enough but, not surprisingly, I find that the dishes eventually get done, the clothes put away and the family fed.

    Sorry to hijack your comments! This stuff is always near the front of my thoughts. :)

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