About me

Sunday, September 30, 2012

finding myself again......feeling a little (okay, A LOT), Lost!

I'm not sure why or how I've lost my blogging Mo-jo, but it's time to sit down and start to try to write again.
I warn you this might be a bunch of verbal vomit..it's like my warm up to writing again...no guarantees this will be interesting in the least sense of the word...but read on, if you wish...

I haven't even been logging my miles online anymore. I bought a book, lol....and I've been doing it the old school way....I thought it would help me to reflect more often but I have just been scribbling in it.

I feel like I have no direction. Everything in my life, running-related, is completely diff from my life 12-18mos ago.
I was in training. I was running 50-70 miles a week. I had goals, I had focus, I had motivation and ambition. But 2 stress fractures later,  I don't know WHAT I'm doing. The effects of those 2 stress fractures in 11 mos got to me. I hate to admit it but it sort of broke my spirit and the fact that I'm now 4 mos back into running and I still haven't exceeded 32 miles in a week I am starting to feel really discouraged and depressed.

I hate the fact that I know I have potential but I can't seem to tap into it.
It's bugging me. I keep racking my brain for what I can do differently this time. I can try lower mileage yes, I can try to cross train more.....I can eat better, sleep more etc etc etc.......

I have been enjoying JUST running. running just b/c I can so don't get me wrong. I am "relaxing". I am "enjoying" this phase...but part of me is also saying "okay....when exactly am I going to get back into real training again?". I don't even know what i want to train for...it's like I'm waiting for something to happen to let me know it's "time" but  I don't know what???

I'm honestly too afraid to train for any long distances b/c of the fear of getting injured so i've sort of resorted to sticking to 5 and 10K's....but just as I got started on that I found out I was anemic and Now i've had to take a step back AGAIN.

Has anyone gone through this? I mean it's virtually been 2yrs now and I feel like I have gotten NO WHERE. A few PR's yes but that's it. No where near the goals I thought I would have reached by now......it's just been one obstacle after another..and not easy ones either...not the kind I could work through.

I need to move forward and see some progress before I lose my mind but I don't know where to start..

Ideas, thoughts, advice?? I'm all ears......

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