I sit her at 11pm...husband and kids sleeping and I have peace and Quiet. Something i don't feel i've had for almost a week. it's been so busy with weddings and back to back trial runs, photo shoots etc this week that I couldn't honestly even tell you what is in my fridge right now or the last time my carpet was vacuumed. Oh, how I can't wait for fall. It won't be til October that weddings slow down for me and only b/c I chose not to book them...for my girls who work for me, they will keep going. busy busy busy. but for this I am grateful. i have 3 new potential girls I am hiring for next year. i am so blessed that my business has to effortlessly grown.
but I miss spending time with my kids, I miss talking to my friends and I feel so neglectful of so many things. it makes me ask the question again and again " is it all worth it?". We are trying so hard to get our chiropractic clinic paid off so we can buy a house so I keep working but my goal, my BIG GOAL is to not work so much next year! to let me girls do it and sit back and manage more and work less. I look forward to having some saturdays in my life....for the first time in 7yrs:)
HOOD TO COAST is this week and I'm so excited. it's been about 3yrs that i've been wanting to run H2C...but every year I am working and every year someone contacts me about subing in and I have to say no...but NOT THIS YEAR!!! I planned ahead last year and booked this weekend off and i'm SO excited!! I love people, I love relays and I'm excited for the memories that will be made:)
Me and Soggy Runner Girl will be in a van with our Anti-Runner Husbands and two other friends of hers:)
Our team name is called "We paid for this?" lol...I like it. it's funny and I think epitomizes how our husbands will feel about 12hrs into it:) I am Leg 7.
what team are you on? what leg? who can I plan to see out there???:)
I have so much other stuff to process and talk about..I've sort of mentioned it here before but again I can't bring myself to blog about it. it has to do with my religion, my marriage...changing ideas and thoughts...it's all very complicated and confusing. it weighs on my heart heavily. day in day out. when I fall asleep at night and when I wake in the morning.
A man once said "if you assume that every person you meet is dealing with some serious problem in their life, 99% of the time you will be right" and it makes me think.....and think....
I know i'm not the only one dealing with HARD, Heavy things....you probably are too.
I am grateful for the few friends I have talked to about it lately that have been so kind, unjudgemental and supportive. it makes me feel the goodness of the human soul. I am in a place that would be SO easy for others to judge me right now. to tell me that I should be feeling or thinking differently about things, but instead my loving and trusting friends have reassured me that they love me no matter what and that brings a certain amount of comfort.
God has been good to me throughout my life. I had a hard up bringing (who doesn't?) but some especially hard challenges in my family with drug and alcohol abuse, poverty, sexual abuse, massive insecurity, depression etc......but when I found Him at age 18, it changed everything for me.I feel like I owe Him so much....but I have been SO neglectful the past year...I have virtually stopped praying..due to circumstances that have caused me to lose/question my faith. I haven't read my scriptures in I don't know how long and I find myself questioning so many of the things I thought I always knew.
This is NEVER a place I thought I would find myself in a million years...
it has taught me to NEVER JUDGE OTHERS and to NEVER SAY NEVER.
I feel the need to be more compassionate and patient with others. To bite my tongue more often and to just withold judgement....
I am hoping I will find my way back to where I am supposed to be....wherever that is. I am trying to be patient with myself and my life at this time and understand that life doesn't always pan out the way we thought it would....but I guess these are things that can make us stronger if we let them .
I am looking foward to my 2nd leg on hood to coast. In the hills, alone, in the dark....wee hours of the morning...to just think.