ADHD...:(:(

I started seeing a counsellor about a month ago. It was a personal decision b/c of various things going in on my life. I felt I needed to talk some things out with an unbiased person.
It has been really good, and the last few sessions have leaned more to my routine, my work, my kids and family..my CRAZY, INSANE LIFE.

I won't get into too many crazy details but a few issues came up from my counsellor about my crazy hectic lifestyle and how I really dont know HOW to relax, sit still, mellow out, or just be in quiet play with my children.
These things bother me greatly but it's just how I've always been.
my family always joked that I was ADD, but we never really did anything about it.

I have always felt a bit different from others, I've always felt a bit awkard and like i don't fit in. It's been a big insecurity of mine since I was a child. I just didn't know why.

tonight we went over all the clinical questions and signs of someone with ADHD (focussing on the hyper-active part) and as each one she read, my heart sank. It is ME. me me me...all over it. ALL of it.

I'm not sure why I feel so bad about this. Part of me feels a bit better knowing that maybe this means I don't HAVE to struggle with these things all the time...focussing, listening, not being able to chill out with friends at the park when all the girls sit to just "chat"........ but the other part of me feels depressed.

All those years feeling like I was "different" ..weren't just a feeling. I really was. All those times I felt like the other girls were thinking I was little "too much"..they probably were.

My counsellor put it nicely: "the general population doesn't struggle with the things you struggle with"
she also explained that it is just a mis-firing of certain things in the brain. I get it and I know it can get better.....and in my heart I always thought I might have something like this but just never did anything about it.

However, over the last few years I have felt that a lot of my "tendencies" and "quirks" were affecting my relationships and now that it is all becoming clear....a little TOO clear, I feel a disappointment in myself....
which is strange, b/c my mind is saying "its not your fault, it's not anything you've done"...but still I feel let down.
What kills me is that my 4yr old (which I've been talking about to my hsuband for the last year) is showing alot more and worse characteristics than me:( My niece was just diagnosed with it also and I see how much she is struggling in school and I worry for Erika and what she will face....especially when her older sister is a genius and as calm as a dove. (takes after her daddy for sure).

Anyway.....My counsellor is amazing. she didn't want to "diagnose" me with anything but I could see on her face that she 'knows'. and I know.
Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

33yrs old. Looking yourself in the eyes, my naked soul....knowing ALL my imperfections...its tough..and it's even tougher for some reason knowing that a part of my brain isn't quite working right. it bugs me.


Just really needed to get that off my heavy heart. thanks for listening.

Releasing Fat...

This post is Part 2 to my post below on the 5 Day Reset.

If you are planning to do the RESET or are interested in changing your eating habits, permanently, A book I HIGHLY recommend is "Releasing Fat" by Dr. Ray Strand

This book talks about the Epidemic that North America faces....

mainly DIABETES and CENTRAL OBESITY. 

At the end of this book he provides a very HANDY chart with foods categorized into:
Most Desirable Carbohydrates,
Moderately Desirable Carbohydrates &
Least Desirable Carbohydrates


Most Desirable Proteins
Moderately Desirable Proteins &
Least Desirable Proteins


Most Desirable Fats
Moderately Desirable Fats &
Least Desirable Fats

As well he outlines a 4week eating plan WITH recipes that are all low glycemic to  help you ease into eating "LOW-GLYCEMIC".
( I am going to scan these pages so I can email them to anyone doing the reset who just wants to see this part of it)


 It's really not hard. You need to switch out a few foods.....but it's NOT a FAD DIET!!!
FAD DIETS are diets that no one can maintain LONG-TERM.
Low Glycemic eating is just making some moderations and I know LOTS of people who eat low glycemic all the time:)

Here are a few good links on eating Low Glycemic:

http://www.glycemicindex.com/

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/The-Rules-of-Low-Glycemic-Eating

5lbs, 2 inches and 3.5% body fat in 5 days!!! read on....

Okay, I am writing this after MANY MANY requests for more information on the 5 day cleanse I just did....

USANA Health Sciences 5-day RESET.

The first time I did Usana's RESET was about a year after megan was born....I lost 7.5 lbs and never gained it back. I was thrilled. I had been using Usana's vitamins for about 7 yrs already and loved them. Their nutritional supplements, by the way, are rated #1 in North America. They are one of the very few companys that voluntarily adheres to PHARMACEUTICAL grade standards to regulate their vitamins. I love that.

Anyway....so what IS the RESET?


The RESET is a cleanse.  It is ALL LOW-GLYCEMIC.....(which just means "LOW SUGAR").  


It is designed to RESET the body, and it's insulin regulation so that the body starts burning FAT instead of CARBS. It helps you get rid of Carb and SUGAR cravings, which was the MAIN REASON I decided to do it at this time. 
Often our bodies are on a blood sugar roller coaster....we eat something thats high glycemic and our blood sugar SPIKES dramatically....but then it also DROPS dramatically and at that point, we are STARVING  and will put anything we can get into our mouths (this was my problem).
When blood sugar spikes, our INSULIN kicks in to bring it back DOWN from that spike, but along with this comes quite a few NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS: Here are two that are important to know!

1. Insulin triggers the brain to make you HUNGRY (so you eat more)
2. Insulin signals the body to STORE FAT (predominantly in the abdominal regions. Wonder why we  have a problem with central obesity in this country??)





Recently I gained 6-7lbs. I was up to 116lbs which I didn't have a problem with and I did think a few of it was from muslcle but not all of it. I saw this little pooch in my belly and my pants were all getting too tight.
Along side that I was eating A LOT of fast food, craving TONNES Of sugar and couldn't seem to get out of the rut.
THIS was the perfect storm and I decided it was time to RESET again! this was my 4th time in 7yrs:) I don't do it often.

**please let me clarify, that I was OKAY with my body and wasn't as concerned about weight (i'm really NOT like that!) but was more concerned with the fact that I was eating so much junk and needed a JUMP START to get BACK.ON.TRACK !!


The Gist of it is this: 


For 5 days you eat:

3 shakes a day, 2 bars and then add in fruit and veggies. Before adding in fruit and veggies, its about 1200 calories a day so you're encouraged to keep exercise light for those 5 days.
The Key is that it is all VERY low glycemic:) YOUR BODY IS CHANGING! No more spikes in blood sugar!

the first 2 days are HARD. I'm not gonna lie...by the time evening rolled around I was hungry and I wanted to munch.
I learned just HOW bad my EMOTIONAL EATING is!!! I often wanted to shove crap in my face just because....for not good reason and when I couldnt' I got cranky and moody! LOL Friday and saturday night I couldnt' figure out what to do if I wasn't eating McFLURRIES so I wondered around BORED out of my mind which eventually lead to me heading out for my FIRST 5 mile run in 3mos! I felt much better after that:)

However, by day 4 you are not so hungry, you start to SEE results  and can notice that the cravings for crap are disappearing! The shakes themselves are actually really good!!! and the chocolate fusion bars are delicious! they don't even taste like cardboard;) ha!
Chocolate is my favorite but the strawberry and vanilla are awesome with frozen berries! (blended).
As well, I added spinach to every shake to get in greens which is something I was missing BIG TIME!


I am EXTREMELY happy with my results:

THE NUMBERS:


WEIGHT:  Lost 5lbs! down to 111lbs from 116.
MEASUREMENTS: lost 2 inches off my waist!! I went from 28" to 26"!!
an inch off my hips and half an inch off each thigh:)
**BODY FAT %: 10 days ago I had Dr. foland take my body fat %. He did the 7 point caliber pinch test and i was LESS than impressed when it came back at 22.25%:(
I went in this morning and  had it done again and ..........18.75%!!!! DOWN 3.5%!!! (the biggest number drops were my stomach, love handle area, and armpit area-side of chest or just under breast).
SO, if you were thinking this was all water weight...WRONG:)


THE PHYSICAL: 
BEFORE & AFTER:

I was actually shocked when I took my pictures today and put it beside my pics from last week!

I see a HUGE difference in my belly and waist!!! and whatever that call that love handle area. I lost a lot right under my boobs which ironically made my boobs look a lot bigger b/c I actually have a waist now! ha !

THE EMOTIONAL:

I FEEL GREAT! I feel accomplished for sticking to the plan. I didn't even LICK anything I wasn't supposed to. I was VERY disciplined and I feel so much healthier!! I don't have the cravings anymore and I'm excited moving forward. I will continue to use Usana's shake for breakfast every morning.
Scientific studies have shown that people who start off with a low glycemic breakfast eat significantly LESS calories throughout the day:)


I am excited for my 12 friends who just had me order the RESET for them LOL b/c they heard I was doing it:) Maybe i'll feature some of their results here:)



If anyone wants MORE info on this let me know! nicolewag@gmail.com
We just discovered that the RESET is only $87 with shipping when ordered in a 4-pack so that's what we did for my 4 friends:)

15 miles.....It's time to get serious....

It doesn't sound like much when you break it up over 5 days does it?:):) but I enjoyed every single MILE!

This week was my first week back where I was allowed to run 3 miles a day. I ran mon-friday and even ran my first 4 mile run:)

This week coming up I will mix it up between 3 and 4 mile runs and still do my spinning and lifting.

This 9wks off and the last 3-4 of cross training have given me LOTS of time to reflect.
I have reflected on my love for running and why I do it.
I have realized that i will be competitive at ANY sport you throw me into, not just running.
I have learned that I need MORE than JUST running to be healthy and avoid further injury in the future. I am getting SERIOUS about eating better and cross training so my body can be STRONG.
I have been surprised to learn that I don't think I could ever go back to JUST running. I LOVE what cross training does for my mind and body and I LOVE the variety!

I have thought and thought and thought.......

And now it's here. I am allowed to run again....and you know what? I don't have a stinkin' clue what i'm going to do this summer or where my body will take me...and I'M OKAY WITH IT.

I have some general goals like:
-Get ready for the Hood to Coast relay I'm doing with my friends and husband,
-Continue to pursue weight  lifting to gain more strength
-to change my eating habits and take my recent test of 22% body fat down to about 18%. I want to be LEAN.

Other than that I am just going to ENJOY it and have FUN!

Some days I get discouraged thinking about all the fitness, SPEED, and endurance I have lost and how far I have to go..... but I try to just push those thoughts out of the way and tell myself that the time it will take to build that back up will pass quickly.


I have made the decision to Join Team Athena:) I am meeting with Head Coach, Nikki Raffie, next weekend to discuss the whole thing, as she will be my new coach.
This will be my 3rd coach in 2yrs. I loved John's coaching but he is just too busy with a new baby and his clinic responsibilities..it was the best decision for me to find a team where I can get and offer support to other female runners. I am excited to see how this will help me grow.

For the THIRD year in a row, I won't be able to run the one race I've been dreaming of (for 3yrs)....
The Sauvie Island half marathon:(.....but I am going to go to support friends and run the 5K they are offering this year.
I am sure I will be slow as a Mo-Fo but that's okay!!! i'm actually a little scared but it give me something to look forward to over the next 2wks:)

To finish this post I want to share an experience I had today.

I had someone ask me if I run b/c I am unhappy  and am running away from problems in my life?

I found this interesting....and responded with:

' No. Not at all. I LOVE to run. I run b/c it makes me HAPPY, it FEEDS my competitive spirit. It clears my mind and helps me get ready for the day. I am a better MOTHER, better WIFE and happier woman BECAUSE I run. It is my PASSION". 

and that pretty much sums it up. I can't WAIT to get up tomorrow morning and hit the pavement, thanking GOD for every single STEP!

Poetic or pathetic?....8wks later....random thoughts b/c I'm too lazy to write....

yes I'm alive.

 no excuses just in a blogging funk.

Sorry.

Here's a brief update in point form......

YES,  I am running. 
I am only allowed to run 1 mile every OTHER day though for the next few weeks...maybe moving up to 2 or 3 miles:( 
Basically It's not enough to do ANYTHING for my running so it feels like it will be more like 12wks off before I can really run again. 
This makes me grumpy...and yet Grateful.




I am still spinning and lifting. Love it. 
Today I did the hardest 20 miles ever and almost puked:) 
I have gained 5 lbs. No joke. It better be MUSCLE.
I am re-evaluating everything fitness and where I go from here. 
I hurt my knee the other day, not sure how... (lame!)




I am feeling grateful for friends.
I am feeling grateful for my body, even if it's falling apart. 
I have NO idea what the rest of this year looks like for me running wise. 
I'm debating joining Team Athena. http://www.teamathena.org/v2/
LOTS to think about.




I am at a funny place in life right now.
I find myself in prayer often the last few days.
I feel like I am on a path to self discovery, and it's a good thing.

That's about the jist of my life right now. not very exciting. 

thankful this 8wks is OVER :o)

some pictures of life lately:

My first REAL experience in the sauna with Sara. I don't Get saunas. 

I had a swimming pool of sweat in my belly button and felt like my face was melting. 

NOT.NORMAL.SARA. 

Doing Box jumps for the first time. I look fat here...maybe it's NOT muscle:o/ ??

Where's my waist? ugh.

 our pool opened....here's my very Tanned little girl. 

this is her "Winter" color..wait til you see her 2 mos from now.

 This ones got my coloring:)

 Megan jumping her little brains out!

Erika swimming:) the one thing about being stuck in an apartment all these years is that both of my girls were swimming by THEMSELVES at 3.5yrs old. I LOVE IT! 

Erika is currently 4.5 and is jumping in the deep end and swimming like a champ!

And last but not least...my beautiful studio coming along....still need to put up the white sheers behind these curtains and put in another chair and some shelves:)

www.powderincbeauty.com