Plan is no more than 5mile runs for the first 3 weeks and I have to start out with 1 mile, then 2, then 3 etc.
Honestly...I wouldn't care if he told me I had to stick to 1 mile a day for 3weeks, I am just looking forward to feeling the wind on my face and the bounce of my flesh as I stride along the neighborhood ( a feeling I took for granted). I am nervous, of course, not knowing for sure that there will not be pain. He has warned me I will be sore as these poor little legs have surely forgotten what it feels like to work;).
The sad part for me is that a week ago, I was DYING to run...then when he told me I had another 9 days...it's like my desire and motivation fizzled. I was pretty let down.
Then suddenly about 4 days ago I hit this WALL of depression. I am taking steps to get it resolved but it came on pretty fast and hard and I'm not entirely sure why...I have some ideas though....
I have been feeling really stressed from work and life stuff for about 6mos now and then with the lack of endorphins for 8wks, I think my body has hit rock bottom.
B/c of this, I am having a hard time feeling motivated to do ANYTHING, including running. BUT....I am still getting up tomorrow morning to run. I am hoping the weather will be nice and the world will be quiet so I can just absorb it and enjoy it and love it.
I do have ONE clear feeling though. Gratitude. I feel grateful that I have lungs and legs. i can't wait to use them both again. and hopefully I will NEVER take them for granted again.
I have learned A LOT the last 8wks. Most of it is very internal and I don't have the skills to know how to vocalize or write it out. I'm sorry..i wish I could b/c I have a lot of deep feelings in there but I have a hard time expressing them...somehow what is in my heart/mind and what comes out of my mouth don't match up.
My PLAN for the next 2 mos is just to ENJOY running...not to worry too much about goals. I know myself and I know I will want to push myself and the first go-ahead from the doc so I have to watch myself. There is plenty of time for goals...I hope i can just safely and slowly get back to a comfortable place where I am healthy enough to start doing hard workouts again:) THEN, I will start training for that 10K and for my half marathon.
I really do think that this break came at the right time. Had I not been injured I would have continued to push forward, ignorant of the rest of MY life around me. I have learned to slow down a bit and take this in stride. I am PROUD of myself and that I truly handled this injury with optimism which in the past has NOT been my natural reaction AT ALL. I felt like I had diving help with that part as the optimism seemed to come too easily for me in a situation like this. I have found joy in supporting others and humility in accepting God's will for me in this journey. I realize that it does not matter where others are at, I will achieve MY goals on MY time and I don't feel the need to compare myself at all. It does no good and prevents us from being able to have TRUE JOY for others and their accomplishments!
One of the best feelings in the world is being truly happy for others successes and I felt that on Monday for my friends!
I think that through this injury, I have learned that I can appreciate and embrace my solo journey and I'm excited about that.
So tomorrow marks a special day. ...I have NO idea what the next few months hold for me. I am just taking it One day at a time and promise to be grateful for EACH STEP from this time forward:)