Today I am on treatment number 5 (7 more to go after this).....my veins hurt, my muslces ache, my head pounds and I have ZERO appetite most of the time. And as fun as all that sounds, its not as bad in most respects as I thought it would be;).
PLUS SIDE: I am not throwing up or so sick I can't get out of bed. mostly I struggle with the headaches and fatigue.
In some unexpected respects its worse though....like I thought the IV's would get easier but instead they get harder. I find myself getting more nervous every time I have to have one inserted b/c my veins hurt and it aches all the way up my arms as the fluids go in. Some of them make the bones in my arms ache like they are breaking. This part i never anticipated and I dislike it SO much!
Today I woke up with extrememly sore and tight hamstrings, calf and foot. very weird considering i'm not doing any exercise. it might be areas where the bugs are hiding and as they die-off my symptoms get worse. These are areas where I had soreness and pain the last year so hopefully that's what it is.
I have tried to run 2x in the last 4wks and it didn't go well. My Knees, of which I have NEVER had problems before, swell up with even the littlest bit of running (1.5miles) so I'm quickly realizing that I will probably lose any bit of teensy tiny bit of fitness I gained from the 3-5miles a week of running i've done the last 2 mos......... I just don't think exercising and this treatment go hand-in-hand, darn it.
I know It is all a blessing though:) I remind myself how lucky I am to KNOW I have lyme and to be able to have the time and funds to treat it. MANY are not as fortunate...not as fortunate at all and that is HORRIBLE.
I have my good friend Katie, right now who has my 6yr old for me so I can sit here for 5hours and get a double bag in today:) I am blessed with some very good friends.
I am saddened when I read about people who are suffering so much and can't get treatment. I hope I can help bring awareness to this in the future.
For now though, I just have to focus what little extra time I have on getting better. most of my time is taken up with my business, kids and attempting to keep a household together....i pretty much feel like i'm failing in the house part more than ever. I don't have energy to cook or -even eat a lot of time....cleaning the house, doing laundry or preparing meals is slowly fading to non-exsistent as I get further into treatment..and you know how us women are, we feel GUILTY about everything! atleast I do!, I am that girl who tries to do everything and do it well so this is hard for me. I feel handicapped and it is frustrating....and I am too stubborn to ask for help. God is probably laughing thinking "Nicole, how long will it take for you to learn these things?" :)
I'm sure im supposed to be learning something about RELAXING and being PATIENT lol but instead I find myself WORRYING about all I am not getting done........in true Nicole fashion:)
HOWEVER, I find comfort in small moments like the other night with Steve as we laid in bed. I said
"This can't be the rest of my life right?"
and he confidently responded with
"No. someday this will all be a distant memory"....... I held onto those words as I fell asleep, dreaming of running the streets of Boston....
Someday this will all be a distant memory...........