About me

Monday, January 30, 2012

71 miles, mean girls, Long run and NEW shoes OH My!

yes...I'm actually going to try to fit this all into ONE post...so bless your heart if you make it through this.

LIFE CHALLENGES:
I had an experience this week that made me stronger and caused me to reflect on some important moral issues.

A friend of a friend...who I TRIED to befriend, even though I had been warned by multiple people of her antics and abuse (yes, I can be that stupid girl, who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt), decided to target me this week in a negative manor.

She first unfriended me on FB, then emailed me to TELL me she unfriended me and why. When I decided I had had enough and blocked her from emailing me again, she emailed my personal account.

The hatred and wrath that came through in her email was heart breaking. Not that it broke MY heart, but that a woman could be so mean and so full of that kind of yuckiness inside was what was heartbreaking.
She told me how she was so much faster than me (which she is-rightfully-she's a semi-professional runner), and that I would never be as fast as her. That she couldnt' believe I complained about being tired after 70 miles when she could run 100...and then finished her email with just some more mean and nasty comments. The thing was her issue with me had NOTHING to with running...so it was weird that she chose to write a completely random email to me just to try to be mean. There was no other motive than to try to make me feel bad about myself.

At first, when I read the email, I was actually shocked. I mean I wondered where this type of anger and irrationality comes from?

However, though she probably hoped that her email would bring me down...make me question my abilities or make me feel bad about myself...it did the opposite:)

I realized just how great I am doing, with all that is on my plate:)

This week I ran my highest mileage week:) 71.2 miles:)

I did this while also juggling:
*being a wife to a husband who is very overwhelmed right now with the passing of his mother and all that settling her estate with no will entails, while also rolling out many HUGE new changes at his clinic
*being a mother to 2 sweet little girls who need constant emotional/physical attention
*managing a very successful business and 2 employees (this is hours every day)
*running a home and being a friend....

This person who sent the email has no other major responsibilities in her life right now but running: No husband, no kids and currently no job.
Yet she had the audacity to try to demean my accomplishment?

It has made me think about a lot of things:
Like, where does my sense of self-worth come from? does it come from running? No.
My sense of self worth and accomplishment come from my family. My husband, my children and most importantly my personal relationship with the Father of my spirit and my understanding of the divinity that lies with me as His daughter.

How will my daughters deal with the challenges of bullying or mean girls when they grow up? how will I make sure that they have the self confidence to not let mean words affect them? how will I make sure they are confident as daughters of God?

I think they need to understand that they are loved, by us and by their Heavenly Father. I know when I joined my church when I was 18, I had no self esteem. I was into drugs, alcohol, smoking and permiscuous behavior. I was searching for acceptance and Love.
Once I discovered that I was a child of God, it changed everything. I suddenly realized that I was enough, just the way I was. I stopped drinking, stopped smoking, cleaned up my life and moved to higher ground.

I have developed a pretty tough skin the last 10yrs. On multiple occasions, I have been the target of bullying. I was going to go into those incidences, but I don't want this post to about me "oh poor me"....it's enough to say that I have been targeted again and again.

It just makes me aware that there are alot of people in this world who are ignorant, insecure, jealous, competitive and well for lack of a better word....Ridiculous!:)

It makes me want to check myself. To make sure i don't fall into any of these traps. I don't ever want to feel insecure or jealous of others. I stated in a previous post that I want to be the kind of friend I like to have and this experience just re-iterated that to myself.

I hope that I can always be AWARE of my actions and behaviors and how they affect others.

RUNNING:


So, I finished my week yesterday with 71 miles and felt GREAT! I started today with a beautiful easy-paced 18 mile run:)
I started out with my friend Chuck and thought we might have been going a little too fast but I was able to easily hold the pace for the whole run and even finish with a small kick. It felt comfortable the whole time and it re-iterated to me that I BELIEVE in the whole running better during menstruation thing. More on this later..I did more reading about it tonight:)

Here was how my 18 went today:
mile 1: 8:11
mile 2: 8:10
mile 3: 8:07
mile 4: 8:29
mile 5: 8:05
mile 6: 8:08
mile 7: 8:06
mile 8: 8:02
mile 9: 7:53
mile 10: 7:46
mile 11: 8:02
mile 12: 8:06
mile 13: 8:05
mile 14: 8:14
mile 15: 7:49
mile 16: 7:42
mile 17: 7:52
mile 18: 7:03 this felt really good which was a GREAT confidence booster at the end of  an 18 mile run:)
Avg: 7:59

I needed a run like this. I came home, took a nice cool ice bath...Erika was my assistant and found great joy in DUMPING the ice in for me and then pouring cold water over me lol. cute kid.


Okay...AAAAAANNND to finish this glorious day, I bought some new shoes from brooksrunning.com!!!!!

I ordered the New Launches!!

 Yes they are beautiful! and My feet will look like little fireballs 
flying through the streets of Boston on April 16th:)



And the PURE FLOWS.....

I have been really interested in trying these for a while...but the white/purple combo sealed the deal. 
I have a mild obsession with white sneakers...there's a good chance these will end up paired 
with my jeans and t-shirt this summer:)









Wednesday, January 25, 2012

what do you do when you just can't do it?

Today was one of those "why the HELL am I doing this? days. in all honesty....I don't have those days very often..and I don't have workouts that go bad very often..at all. I usually feel decent about them. I may not love them, but i get through them and am happy with my accomplishment.

Today on the other hand was just a total mess. Mentally.
the workout was 8 x 2min hill sprints.
I have ALWAYS felt very weak with hills. they are the ONE thing in training I dread. I feel like I am not strong. I think my legs are built for speed...but not for strength. maybe this is all mental, I don't know...but I do think there is SOME truth to it. Some of my friends have big strong quads and hills aren't the utter devil to them like they seem to be to me.

I have done this workout twice...first week was 5 x 2min...and it was pure hell. 2wks ago was 6 x 2min...and it was really hard too. so today...the thought of 8 was a bit much. I TRIED to psych myself up for it. lots of positive self talk "it's only 2 more than you did last time. It won't be that bad. You can do this. You are strong" etc etc.

I felt good on my warm up, but when time  came to run..things turned bad quickly.
I ran the first sprint and felt decent. few I thought.......but quickly, # 2 and 3 really didn't feeel good. my lungs were SEERING......my legs weren't THAT bad, but my LUNGS....oh my gosh, I could HARDLY get in enough oxygen the last 30 seconds.
# 6, I am pretty sure I pee'd my pants the whole way up. My bladder is extra bad lately. (10lb babies, and 4th degree tears= peeing your pants for the rest of your life).
Every single sprint, I made less distance and had slower paces. THIS is what was so discouraging....I JUST COULDN"T PULL IT TOGETHER. I wanted to quit so bad. by the time i would hit about 1min 20 seconds, mentally I had given up.
I wanted to quit, but I told myself, even if these next 2 suck, you are going to finish, you are NOT a quitter.

That was about the only good thing that came from this workout today....I did't quit. I felt like total YOU KNOW WHAT after this workout.
My mind was FLOODED with self doubt and alll the way home, all I could think of was that Boston course......the Hills and how I might go all the way there and totally flop. I kept thinking about the comment (can't remember who it was from) that posted on here a while ago and said that Boston kicked her butt every time she had run it, so I might have to get my goal time on another course.
I felt SO discouraged!!!!!

Amanda, Jenn and Tasha had good comments on my I dream of running FB PAGE that were helpful, so thank you ladies.

I AM about to get my period in 3-4 days so I hope that this whole mess has something to do with that. ....Yeah....I am gonna try and chalk it up to THAT! lol

So...what do you do when you have workouts like this? I need to learn some tricks on how to get over these mental barriers!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Fartlek Friday.....

well...I should have started this 2wks ago ...since Fridays are my fartlek day:):)

Today my workout called for 15 x 1min on/off.
In theory this seemed easy peasy.
I did a 2.75 mile warm up and then jumped right in.

I did the first 10 repeats at 9.3 on the treadmill (6:28 pace)
I did the next 3 at 9.5 (6:18 pace) and the last 2 at 10 (6:00pace).

this wasn't a super HARD workout, but a GOOD workout! you don't get much recovery time, by the time you slow down, you get about 45-50 seconds to recover and then go again. I really actually liked it.

I am still not entirely sure how fartleks are diff from speed workouts, but nonetheless, it's good I am finally doing a little bit of speed. I feel like I am JUST starting my training and I am on week 3. I feel like John's approach to this training for me is fairly conservative but I like it. I am okay with it b/c I don't want to overdue it. I am being patient and just letting my body adapt slowly:) I know phase 2 will get a bit harder and phase 3 (the last 5wks) will be challenging so i'm not gonna push myself too soon:)

My NUMBER 1 GOAL is to:
Get to Boston INJURY FREE and NOT SICK!

Yes I want a PR, yes I want to kick some butt and surprise myself, BUT more than anything..my BIGGEST priority is to just get there and have a good race.
I keep telling my friend Amanda, I am totally fine showing up on race day 10% undertrained. I just don't want another relapse of last year:/ It is my biggest fear at this point. I am probably being OVERLY cautious and not pushing myself to my fullest potential quite yet, but I guess I feel like this is SAFER. I don't usually take the SAFE route, but this time I am.

OH and a side note, I found NEW calf muscles today...smaller muscles on the inside of my calves below the larger calf muscle! I've NEVER seen them before and was really excited. I've ALWAYS wanted to get rid of my scrony little calves and I think all my running is finally starting to pay off! woohoo!!! (don't laugh at me, it's true).




Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Training, training, training....

I managed to squeeze in 60 miles last week with going between here and canada. Steve's moms funeral was on monday and it was beautiful. I didn't get a chance to run b/c we spent the whole day travelling after that, so my week is Tuesday to Sunday this week. That means I won't get a break for 13-14 days. I normally only run 6 days a week so this will be interesting to see how tired I get.

Each week for January John has ben doing 3 workouts....well the long run idn't really  a workout b/c it is easy pace...but the distance part still takes a toll on the body.

So each week I do a long run, a hill workout and a fartlek workout.

today was 18 miles!!!! do you know it's been 9 LONG months since i've run this distance??

John likes my easy pace to be about 8:15-8:30 and has told me not to let any mile go below 8.:00. just to keep it easy on my body.


My 18 was good. We got 4 inches of snow last night but by 10:30am it was warmer and dryer, few!! I headed down to the watefront to run alone...but it actually woked out good b/c I could run my own pace and not worry about anyone else:)

The first 2 miles, my legs felt tired so I was worried I might not make it but after i warmed up, they were fine!
Here are my splits:
mile 1: 8:32
mile 2: 8:26
Mile 3: 8:31
Mile 4: 8:56 (running into a headwind)
Mile 5: 8:54 (headwind-did NOT like this one bit!)
Mile 6: 8:04
Mile 7: 8:01
Mile 8: 8:03
Mile 9: 8:12
Mile 10: 7:52
Mile 11: 8:14
Mile 12; 7:59
Mile 13: 8:10
Mile 14: 8:21
Mile 15: 7:59
Mile 16: 7:58
Mile 17: 7:53
Mile 18: 7:51

I felt good the WHOLE time. I never let my legs get to the point of feeling tired or like they were working ...meaning pushing the pace even a little. I kept TRYING to slow down so I wouldn't have sub 8min miles, but honestly, my body just works this way sometimes. I am a progressive runner. My body just runs better and faster over time. so I felt good about this run...
THEN, after the run, I remembered Johns words of wisdom about ICE being the secret to a good recovery and staying injury free.....so I DID IT! I headed to safeway to get a bag of ice for my FIRST ICE BATH.
It was hellish..not gonna lie..but my legs feel GREAT so It was worth it!

I wrapped a warm blanket out of the dryer and then went on email/FB on my phone to try to distract myself and it worked! I stayed in a full 15min and then didnt' let myself warm up in the shower after..just got dressed and headed out:)

So...for TRAINING...I am feeling good!
I should hit 65-70 miles this week and i'm surprised at how well my body is handling this higher mileage. last year when I trained for windermere, I stayed around 45-55 miles most weeks. My workouts were SO hard I couldnt' do any more than that. This year it's quite diff. I am enjoying long EASY runs instead of progressive or marathon pace and so far the workouts are good.
I really like having a totally different approach from what I did last year and hope it all pays off at Boston!

I have been doubting myself lately and if I can really get a good time at Boston, since so many people say it is a really challenging course, but I am just gonna do my best and if i don't get the time  Iwant..I will find a flatter course for fall:):)

This friday calls for fartlek of 15x 1min on/off of about 6:20-6:30 pace. and then sunday hills:) 7 x 2 min this week. I'm dreading this workout.

Does anyone hate hills as much as ME??? I know they are a necessary evil but I dread them EVERY time.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Out of the mouths of Babes...I feel humbled.

If these don't melt your heart then I don't know what will....

today I picked up a folder full of cards that Megans class has made her. 
I want to giggle and cry at the same time. such sweetness in these messages. Megan is very loved. probably b/c she is sweet, kind, helpful and EVERYONE tells me she is there best friend when I visit. i am blessed to have such a lovely little girl as part of our family. 
anyway...I HAD to share a few of these...the ones from the boys are hilarious...AND sweet....
P.s many a boy have a crush on megan...it's pretty funny.

 From Joseph:) " I care about you"? how thoughtful and mature is that. 
such a sweet boy. 


 front of Israels card (ABOVE) lol so cute.
I am not sure what the arrows from the head to the heart are all about lol...is that like I'm thinking of you? ha 
Inside of his card below.



 from her best friend Sydney. so sweet. love the pictures.
wish life really was always rainbows and flowers:)



 from Cameron. "I know how this feels"? so special and sweet.


from Cooper: 
This ones my favorite. " I love you as a frend" ..so hilarious. thanks for clarifying cooper...wouldn't want to get that message across incorrectly.  how embarassing. 
And the picture..I think that's supposed to Be Gran with wings...going to heaven?

Gran would have LOVED these!!!!! OH how she would have loved these. I can hear her giggling about them now. 
Love you Gran, miss you so much.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Life changes in an instant....make sure you tell those you love, you love them.

A week ago....last wednesday, I completed my first hill workout, which was DREADFUL by the way, of 5 x 2min hill sprints. sounds easy....but not so much.
I came home and planned to shower and get ready before picking up Erika from Pre-school.

However, I got call from my husband that changed everything. His mom had had a stroke and was in the ICU...In CANADA....he immediately left work and came home. we packed as quickly as we could, got both girls from school and headed on our 7hr drive.
We arrived at her bedside at 8pm that night.

It was a massive stroke severely damaging the entire left side of her brain. Prognosis: a few days to live:( it was devastating. At first I couldn't stop crying.
for months I have been meaning to send her an email telling how thankful I am for the great job she did as a mother raising her son and what a fantastic father he is. I know she knew these things and I had said them before, but I am so mad that I kept putting it off and now it was too late.

The last week has been a crazy whirlwind of events. My daughters have been passed around from sister to sister and we spent most days back and forth at the hospital and her condo trying to organize and de-clutter her suite.

On Sunday night I went to see her at Midnight and say my last good byes. she died 2hrs later.

I still can't believe she is gone, it doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for her to come back.
this is my FIRST experience with death. I've never lost someone I was close to before. It's a very strange feeling. I don't feel weepy any more..just weird. I keep thinking about how she won't be there to see my girls grow up. she was such a GREAT Gran and it is a GREAT loss for them too.

This woman was blind since the age of 6yrs old. raised 2 boys by HERSELF, and did much to change and make the blind community in Vancouver, BC better. Loved and INSPIRATIONAL to so many, including myself.
We had our fair share of differences the first few years Steve and i were married...I don't think anyone would have been good enough for her baby boy, but we grew a lot and I really loved her.
she was only 67yrs old, but her health had gone down hill a lot the last few years. she lost her mother, brother and boyfriend of 12yrs in the last 2yrs. she had been depressed ever since. She still managed to get out to her ukulele groups and singing groups multiple times a week though. she didn't let the fact that she was in a wheel, chair and blind stop her from doing ANYTHING! she plays the piano, the banjo, the guitar, the organ, the ukulele and can knit and crochet like nobody's business!

She was just a PURE inspiration to watch. It is heart breaking that my husband is an orphan at the age or 35...he seems too young. his dad left when he was 10yrs old and never came back. and now his mom is gone.
I am so glad that I got to go up before Christmas and see her. On the last day we were there, she was late to get to her ukulele group, so she asked if I could do her hair. I did and then I quicky snapped THIS picture of her with the girls before she left. such a gem. I am SO thankful I took it!




and then we HAD to get Nautilus in the picture too:)
(He is Sharon's seeing eye dog)



While in Canada, I managed to get on the Treadmill every night at around 10pm and get my runs in.I actually ran my highest mileage week ever last week: 65 MILES!

The running seemed to be the best thing to help me burn off the stress and emotion of it all.

Unfortunately I had to return to Portland on Monday morning b/c i have my first bridal show I'm participating in next thursday and photos and photo books had not been ordered. I have spent over 20 hrs in front of this computer the last 2 days getting them all designed and ready.

Luckily I have wonderful friends from church who have brought me lunch and dinner or else I probably wouldn't have eaten as I've hardly moved.

I am humbled lately as I think of all the sacrifices others are making during this difficult time for us. My sister has 3 kids of her own and has taken on my 2 for the week.

My friends have brought me meals, sent me sweet messages......it testify's to me of the goodness in these women and I'm SO thankful to be blessed by them right now. It has lightened my load SO MUCH.
I will go back up to canada on Saturday.

I must have used up all my motivation last week b/c this week I have none.
I DID do my hill workout today:

6 x 2min hill sprints. paces for my hill sprints were:

6:15, 6:15, 6:45, 6:28, 6:31, 6:31

it was HARD and I hated every second of it.but I did it.
mileage might be a little low this week b/c of all thats going on.
we'll see.
Just wanted to give an update...don't have much else left in me to write...just drained and need to get re-focussed.
Life can be tough sometimes....BUT there is still so much goodness around us....