About me

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Boston 2012: disappointment, injury and spectating....



Part 1: written on the plane home last night

Well...after 8 mos of planning and training...this Boston trip did not turn out to be what I thought it would.
 AT. ALL.
There are times in our lives when we sense disappointment approaching.....this one I did not see coming. 
Up until 2wks before, things were going perfectly.
For the past 15 weeks I have trained with relative ease. I have felt amazing almost the entire time and felt like i handled all the workouts and mileage wonderfully. I never once felt beat down or super worn out, in fact compared to training for my first marathon last year, I could not believe how EASY this training felt to me.

However, after that very hilly 22 miler a few weeks ago, I experienced pain and soreness in my left quad.  In hindsight , I WISH I had taken a few days OFF, but when we are IN training, it is hard to see what is probably the BEST thing to do long-term at that moment. I stacked that week with 2 long runs and 2 other workouts b/c I decided to do that 22 on the Sunday. John says he wishes he had told me NO and in the future, he will.

I am sad that it's been almost a year since my very disappointing marathon in windermere and I still can't say I've run another marathon. 

This has been an intensely challenging year to fight my way back to be in shape, to be healthy and to be able to have a GOOD marathon experience......but instead I am here, a year later, in the exact same position and it is abstolutely gut wrenching and heart breaking at times. I want nothing more than to run but it's been 11 days and my body is just beginning ot feel stagnant. Don't worry I plan to make up with my enemy "the eliptical" next week.

Although I was initially thinking it was a stress fracture of my femur, John is still not convinced....which actually makes me happy! he really thinks it is  agluteal tear and i'm praying it is. I am trying ot find a way to get a cheap MRI b/c I have no money left aftr this trip to spend on one. it would bring a lot of peace of mind to my heart and mind to know for sure what my injury is so we can plan my recovery time.

What have I learned from this? well I don't entirely know yet. It is all sort of a blurr. 

I showed up in Boston, hopeful of fulfilling a dream..which slowly lead into sadness, frustration and the unknown of whether I had travelled all that way and would even be able to run or not? should I load up on painkillers and try to run, risking more injury or take the deferment and wait til next year?....by saturday night,I had made the decision that the right choice was NOT to run. Not to risk more damage to my body. 

it was so hard to make that decision and to put on  a happy face for everyone around me.
Like I said, I just didn't see this trial coming. I was not prepared. 

ONce I made the decision saturday, it didn't get easier but I knew I had to surrender my will to the inevitable and go with my mantra " it is what it is".  I am not special. I am not immune to trials in this life and to crappy things happening to me. What makes me so much better than the next person suffering a trial MUCH WORSE than mine? nothing. So I take this challenge as gracefully as I can and try to use it to make me stronger. tougher, wiser and more patient. Hopefully making me a better person in the end..which is why I think God lets these things happen to us...to mold us...to shape us...and to refine us. 

Part 2: written tonight

Well....I have good news! I got an X-ray today and it didn't show anything except a  possible edema in my hip socket which if that's the case, John says take a few weeks off and it should heel. 
even BETTER news is that I have a wonderful connection with an old client and a current associate of my husbands...she owns 3 MRI clinics and he sends all of his patients to her. 
So I humbled myself and asked for the favor b/c I can' t afford an MRI right now and this will give us  a SURE answer of what is going on....she got back to me tonight and I should be able to call the office tomorrow and schedule it! I am SO thankful!!! she has no idea what a blessing this is...so hopefully by Monday i will know what is wrong with my leg/butt:):)

I am already thinking of marathons...there is Windemere next month...prob too soon.....Vancouver in June and Sauvie in July! i'm HOPING one of these will work out for me!!! 

Anyway...I have sort of lost my train of thought....

the day of the marathon I was excited to go and watch and cheer for my friends...if I couldn't be RUNNING the race, you better believe I was going to be there to cheer on my sweet friends and give LOTS of shouts of encouragment to those passing by! 

I made my spot about 50 meters from the top of Heart break Hill and after a while...once I got warmed up;), I began shouting such phrases as: 
"You're almost at the top! keep going!! this is your last big hill"
"you're doing GREAT, I know this weather sucks, but you're doing SO great!" (yes, I actually said this)....
after a while, I started commentating to Waylon that what I wanted to say was:
"I know this weather sucks ass, and you feel like Sh** but you're doing awesome!"  and...
"I know you want to punch me in the face right now for telling you to keep going, but you'll thanks me later...as long as you're not passed out on the side of the road!" lol...it was pretty funny. Okay...that last part isn't funny...but anyway...

I was sad that I missed Erin, Melody and Angie...I' not sure HOW they got passed me:( but I DID get these 3 beautiful ladies..I had to run along side them to take their picture...i'm sure the other runners thought I was SO annoying! 



  Beautiful Danya came along first....at a leasurely 7:20 pace:) she had planned to run a 2:50 but decided the night before to run it as a training run...and so she did....in 3:21;)

 Sweet, strong Dorothy, who kindly yelled at me: "Be thankful you're not running in this!" lol
indeed, I was, b/c I was sweating standing in the SHADE!
 aaahh.and one of my besties, Amanda:) my camera was on video by accident so I didn't get a pic til i stopped to fix it...Anna Maria, running on her left and her sweet husband, Waylon on  her right:)

Seeing these 3 ladies, finding their strong, REALLY made my day!!
I was inspired by how hard they worked. This race had NOTHING to do with numbers and EVERYTHING to do with STRENGTH, PERSEVERANCE, DEDICATION, SHEER WILL, and MENTAL TOUGHNESS. 

These women had it all:)

See you in 2013, Boston!

16 comments:

  1. This is heartbreaking but your spirit is strong and BIG things to come. Love your honesty and willingness to learn and get through this stronger. Only good thing about Windermeere is that it will be a year since we met!! HAPPY DAY!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have yet to comment on any of your blog posts even though I've been reading them and following along. I've got to be honest- I was SO disappointed and sad for you when I found out about your injury! I don't run. My life is "too busy" to run. But I still enjoyed reading your posts and attempting to decipher all of your "running" jargon. It's interesting how following someone through their trials/accomplishments can make you feel like you're really there experiencing it with them. I recently had this experience when my best friend who's been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 years miraculously ended up pregnant with no medical intervention! For 6 years there was no explanation for the infertility. She had much heartache over this dream of becoming a mother seeming so far out of reach. Well, she is now 16 weeks along. This taught me God is One of miracles! Knowing all of the hard work you have put into preparing for this goal to only be disappointed was, I'm sure, quite hard-breaking. Yes there are other trials that are much worse, but for you, right now, this is yours. I know that you will grow stronger from this. That doesn't mean your marathon will be better next year but sometimes spiritual strength is the greatest prize we can win from enduring! Good for you Nicole! This setback is only temporary! God is still a God of Miracles! He's offering you a second chance for next year along with an opportunity to increase your faith in Him and what He knows is best for YOU! Keep up the hard work. I know we're over here far away on the Westside but I'm glad I can still keep up with you even from a long distance :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have yet to comment on any of your blog posts even though I've been reading them and following along. I've got to be honest- I was SO disappointed and sad for you when I found out about your injury! I don't run. My life is "too busy" to run. But I still enjoyed reading your posts and attempting to decipher all of your "running" jargon. It's interesting how following someone through their trials/accomplishments can make you feel like you're really there experiencing it with them. I recently had this experience when my best friend who's been trying to get pregnant for the last 6 years miraculously ended up pregnant with no medical intervention! For 6 years there was no explanation for the infertility. She had much heartache over this dream of becoming a mother seeming so far out of reach. Well, she is now 16 weeks along. This taught me God is One of miracles! Knowing all of the hard work you have put into preparing for this goal to only be disappointed was, I'm sure, quite hard-breaking. Yes there are other trials that are much worse, but for you, right now, this is yours. I know that you will grow stronger from this. That doesn't mean your marathon will be better next year but sometimes spiritual strength is the greatest prize we can win from enduring! Good for you Nicole! This setback is only temporary! God is still a God of Miracles! He's offering you a second chance for next year along with an opportunity to increase your faith in Him and what He knows is best for YOU! Keep up the hard work. I know we're over here far away on the Westside but I'm glad I can still keep up with you even from a long distance :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nicole, it was so sad to see you go through this. And still going through this. But as I said before, I'm really so proud of how well you have handled it. so wonderful that you were out there cheering even when your heart was heavy. I'm really glad I was in Boston with you. And I'm so hoping that you get better so soon. :( You won't lose all the hard work you put in Nicole. Yes, get on that dreaded elliptical. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So happy for you Nicole to have good news about your leg. You will be unstoppable once you heal.
    It is always easy to think back and wish you have done things differently when you have an injury...but marathoning requires to train through pain sometimes and injuries are part of the game. All the training is in your legs, you'll just have to cash it later on, hopefully soon! Great seeing you on the course. I was struck by how beautiful you are:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate it so much that Boston did not work out for you this year, but you are handling it with so much grace... and you were able to show some awesome support for those who did run it! I know you will show Boston who's boss in 2013!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was a tough day out there. You made a good choice by resting and letting yourself heal. A muscle tear may sound better than a stress fracture, but it's no joke. I hope you get some good news from the MRI results.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hope you start feeling better soon. So bummed I missed you in Boston! :( Can't wait to see what you can do in a marathon :) xo

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wish I could have been as eloquent as some of the other commenters on your last post. You're talented to boot, but it's your humility and ability to maintain a postive outloook no matter what is thrown your way....that's why we keep coming back. We love to cheer you on and see you succeed!

    Sorry you had to miss Boston this year. There will be plenty more in your future. Another marathon with perfect conditions is awaiting you later this spring :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment touched me especially deeply. thank you blondie. xx

      Delete
  10. Nicole I have to admit that I felt like crying when I found out you weren't going to be able to run at Boston. I know how hard you had worked over the last couple of months and I know how incredibly excited you were. I am going to anxiously awaiting the results of your MRI and praying that you don't have a stress fracture? Does John think that the hilly training run caused this injury because you hadn't been training on hills as much? I hope that with some rest you will be back to running faster then ever in no time.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It breaks my heart that this season didn't go as planned for you and that it has boiled down to this for you. God's plan for us is so hard to understand at times, but know that he has greater things then you could ever imagine planned for you in your future. Your fitness is still there, so don't fret friend! You'll have your marathon glory soon enough, and man oh man it will be SWEET!

    Take care of that leg!

    ReplyDelete
  12. That's so fortunate that they allowed deferrals this year. You will kick butt next year and probably appreciate those people yelling from the sidelines even more!

    ReplyDelete
  13. If I didn't live all the way across the country I'd give you a big hug!!! I feel your pain and your loss of Boston. It is hard to describe that feeling to others. Last year only my closest running buddies really knew what missing out on Boston because of an injury meant to me.

    I think you could definitely be ready for a comeback marathon this summer. Rest and heal now and ease into training. You don't need crazy high miles to PR. I ran all my weeks with the exception of 1- under 55 mikes a week before Houston and Little Rock marathons this year. I did lower mileage because I was Trying to ease back into after my stress fracture. I'm so glad your X-ray does not show a fracture.

    Hang in there. A few weeks of cross training and you'll be back- Better than ever I'm sure!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Loved this Nicole! Well written. What a huge disappointment to miss out on that race but what a strong woman to turn it around and allow yourself to enjoy the experience!! Such an encourager and your friends were SO blessed to have you out there cheering on the course. 2013 BABY!!! You will have your sweet chance with Boston!

    So glad you are getting the MRI! My initial x-rays showed nothing. MRI is really the way to go! Answers are SO healing. Even when they aren't exactly what we hope for, at least we know and can make peace with it. You are young and strong and fit and you will heal up perfectly and be back out there soon to run down that big marathon PR!

    Great pics:) Keep us posted on what you find out!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nicole, we know you will have a much better marathon race ahead of you. Each training cycle is full of lessons. It must have been painful to go there and not be able to race, but you did the right thing for your body, especially given the information you had.
    Love your photos, Nicole. THREE strong women!

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you!!