I had an experience this week that made me stronger and caused me to reflect on some important moral issues.
A friend of a friend...who I TRIED to befriend, even though I had been warned by multiple people of her antics and abuse (yes, I can be that stupid girl, who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt), decided to target me this week in a negative manor.
She first unfriended me on FB, then emailed me to TELL me she unfriended me and why. When I decided I had had enough and blocked her from emailing me again, she emailed my personal account.
The hatred and wrath that came through in her email was heart breaking. Not that it broke MY heart, but that a woman could be so mean and so full of that kind of yuckiness inside was what was heartbreaking.
She told me how she was so much faster than me (which she is-rightfully-she's a semi-professional runner), and that I would never be as fast as her. That she couldnt' believe I complained about being tired after 70 miles when she could run 100...and then finished her email with just some more mean and nasty comments. The thing was her issue with me had NOTHING to with running...so it was weird that she chose to write a completely random email to me just to try to be mean. There was no other motive than to try to make me feel bad about myself.
At first, when I read the email, I was actually shocked. I mean I wondered where this type of anger and irrationality comes from?
However, though she probably hoped that her email would bring me down...make me question my abilities or make me feel bad about myself...it did the opposite:)
I realized just how great I am doing, with all that is on my plate:)
This week I ran my highest mileage week:) 71.2 miles:)
I did this while also juggling:
*being a wife to a husband who is very overwhelmed right now with the passing of his mother and all that settling her estate with no will entails, while also rolling out many HUGE new changes at his clinic
*being a mother to 2 sweet little girls who need constant emotional/physical attention
*managing a very successful business and 2 employees (this is hours every day)
*running a home and being a friend....
This person who sent the email has no other major responsibilities in her life right now but running: No husband, no kids and currently no job.
Yet she had the audacity to try to demean my accomplishment?
It has made me think about a lot of things:
Like, where does my sense of self-worth come from? does it come from running? No.
How will my daughters deal with the challenges of bullying or mean girls when they grow up? how will I make sure that they have the self confidence to not let mean words affect them? how will I make sure they are confident as daughters of God?
I have developed a pretty tough skin the last 10yrs. On multiple occasions, I have been the target of bullying. I was going to go into those incidences, but I don't want this post to about me "oh poor me"....it's enough to say that I have been targeted again and again.
It just makes me aware that there are alot of people in this world who are ignorant, insecure, jealous, competitive and well for lack of a better word....Ridiculous!:)
It makes me want to check myself. To make sure i don't fall into any of these traps. I don't ever want to feel insecure or jealous of others. I stated in a previous post that I want to be the kind of friend I like to have and this experience just re-iterated that to myself.
So, I finished my week yesterday with 71 miles and felt GREAT! I started today with a beautiful easy-paced 18 mile run:)
I started out with my friend Chuck and thought we might have been going a little too fast but I was able to easily hold the pace for the whole run and even finish with a small kick. It felt comfortable the whole time and it re-iterated to me that I BELIEVE in the whole running better during menstruation thing. More on this later..I did more reading about it tonight:)
Here was how my 18 went today:
mile 1: 8:11
mile 2: 8:10
mile 3: 8:07
mile 4: 8:29
mile 5: 8:05
mile 6: 8:08
mile 7: 8:06
mile 8: 8:02
mile 9: 7:53
mile 10: 7:46
mile 11: 8:02
mile 12: 8:06
mile 13: 8:05
mile 14: 8:14
mile 15: 7:49
mile 16: 7:42
mile 17: 7:52
mile 18: 7:03 this felt really good which was a GREAT confidence booster at the end of an 18 mile run:)
I needed a run like this. I came home, took a nice cool ice bath...Erika was my assistant and found great joy in DUMPING the ice in for me and then pouring cold water over me lol. cute kid.
Okay...AAAAAANNND to finish this glorious day, I bought some new shoes from brooksrunning.com!!!!!
I ordered the New Launches!!