About me

Monday, September 26, 2011

Your Destiny....some ramblings in my head....

Have you ever wondered what your "Destiny" is? 
and what IS Destiny anyway? 
Is it something you CREATE, or is it something that will happen IN SPITE of yourself? 
I sort of think it is a little bit of both. 

I think that we come to this earth destined to do certain things in our lives and as long as we don't completely flush our lives down the toilet, they will find a way of coming around. 

Is it weird that I feel like I was destined to be a runner? Let me explain.

6yrs old-wanted to join a private track club. (who does that at age 6?!)
8yrs old-ran my first 400m race, WON. had never felt such a wonderful feeling in my life. 
Teenage years....copped out, was insecure. 

my mom is an alcoholic (and had a cocaine addiction from when I was 14-25yrs old) . Single mom of 3 girls. dirt poor.  I took all this and allowed it to define me. As in, I'm not worthy of good things. I don't like myself. I am ugly, I am poor etc etc. At age 15, I was suicidal. I found bad friends, got drunk every weekend,  smoked, tried a  bunch of diff drugs. Things could have gone very differently for me, but SOMEONE must have been looking out for me.

It wasn't until I was 18yrs old and found God that I pulled out of that mentality. There is a lot more to this story and maybe someday I'll sit down and write it all out. For this posts purposes we'll leave it at that. 

Throughout my late teens and all through my 20's when People talked about running, I would always feel the urge to jump in and say "Oh, I'm a runner!!"...but luckily before I opened my mouth, I would remember that I hadn't run since I was 13/14yrs old :/
For the life of me, I couldn't make sense out of why I FELT like a runner when I hadn't run in over 10yrs??!

NOW, in hindsight, I believe it was b/c I was destined to follow that path. I believe that God gave me Legs to run. It is one of my talents and I hope to use it to fulfill my dreams and to eventually inspire others to chase theirs. I want to help others see that they can do anything they set their minds to. I love to lift others and help them overcome their fears, reach their goals.
 Maybe Running is a tool to do that? I'm not sure.

It took me a long time to finally take the necessary steps to start running, but I am here now:)
2.5yrs ago, I started running. 6-8 miles  a WEEK. IT wasn't much but it was a start. 2yrs ago, I ran my first half marathon with only 6wks training of about 20 miles a week and one 10 mile run:) for the next year after that I just ran off and on about 18miles a week and sometimes not for months at a time. I consider my REAL running start 1yr ago. In September of 2010, I got on my computer and emailed  a coach. I swallowed my pride and fear of embarassment and told him that I thought I had some potential but had no idea how to tap into it. I told him that I have felt like a runner my whole life and I wanted to make into a reality and needed his help. 
Well that was 1 yr ago. 
I had run 3 half marathons at that point and couldn't get under 1:46. I was SO frustrated. 
In 8 mos I: 
ran a 19:45 5K
a 42:30 10K 
a 1:32:18 half marathon
and a 3:35 first marathon on a stress fractured leg.....
that lead to 2.5 mos off and now I have been back running for 8wks.

If I can do that in 8 months, then I truly believe that My potential is limitless. I am done with words like "well see, maybe, some day". No. I WILL run that 3:15 marathon next year. I WILL run that sub 19min 5 K. I WILL run a sub 40min 10K and I WILL run that sub 1:30 half marathon...Because I believe that My destiny is to achieve the dreams I have always had of being a competitive runner.

This 10K I ran on Saturday was very EYE OPENING to me. I really didn't think I was gonna run faster than 44-45min at best. I wasn't being Modest....I REALLY didn't think it was possible to get within 24 seconds of my PR off of 8wks of base building. In my sleep I may have DREAMED that, but I was not expecting it AT ALL. 
It has brought me back to thinking about my DESTINY. I hadn't thought about it for a while, but after Saturday, I started to feel again like maybe I am stronger than I think and maybe I really CAN achieve even the biggest dreams. I am not limiting myself anymore. I will accomplish the first set of goals I listed above and then i will keep going. I'm SO excited for the future. 
*I hope that I dont' sound like a complete dork by writing all this...it sort of makes me feel vulnerable, But i hope it will inspire some of you to be open and honest about your dreams and feelings about what you are meant to do and what you are capable of doing. We so often limit ourselves...and WHY?! We are of Divine Destiny and we can do ANYTHING. I feel so strongly about this. Nothing makes me happier than seeing someone pushing fear and doubt aside and chasing a dream.

I always felt a lot of gratitude this weekend for my injury b/c it has changed my perspective on running. I feel JOY again to run. Just run. to have my HEALTH. I will NEVER take running for granted again. It is a gift. It brings joy, serenity, confidence and strength into my life. 

ONE more thing....
I found this today and LOVED it. It speaks to my heart. This is so true for me. When I run, I am almost ALWAYS thinking about the Possibilities. That is what gets me out of bed every morning....
Oh..P.S Before I forget. I got accepted into BOSTON today:):)

What do you think Destiny is? 
What is yours? 
Are you doing everything you can to follow it?


  1. Nicole, I love how open and honest you are. You are not afraid and won't let anyone else define you. You are a breath of FRESH AIR.
    I think I need to digest this post tonight and comment again later. Just wanted to say how much I love you and that I LOVED what I read.

  2. Oh - and Congrats on getting into Boston! You ARE capable of everything you listed- and MORE.

  3. LOVE this! WEll written girl. You are so beautiful inside and out and girl, you are so flippin' talented! You will totally make these dreams come true. Running is your gift! And inspiring others! You have a way of pulling people in and making them WANT to live life fully. Yes, Raina is right, a breath of fresh air indeed. Thankful for you! And thank you for sharing these stories from your life...you've obviously overcome a lot and you are stronger for it. Beautiful Nicole...your story, your desire to use your gifts, your faith, and your JOY here. Excited to go to Boston with you! That 3:15 is yours! IN the bag baby.

  4. btw, your blog looks great! Love the changes. And good job on your 8 miles today. I did 7 but way slow. my legs are pretty tight.

  5. thank you friends. You always have a way of making me feel good....and even better, making me feel okay to be ME. Dorky, dream chasing me. love you both. xx

  6. yay! another one of my favorite bloggers got into Boston!! :D

    I hope one day I can be even remotely as fast as you. I've made good progress since I started running... I went from barely eeking out a sub-11 mile (before I started running regularly), to my recent PR of 6:55 for one mile. That was during the course of 7 months, so I hope that means that I can progress even more...? I dunno. I'm ready to be in the states where I can focus more on my running and have better access to resources, races, and running locations. And running buddies, too! :D

  7. Congrats on Boston! Love this post, it is so heartfelt. It is hard sometimes to really put yourself out there as a blogger and write things that are close to our hearts at least it is for me, but I think it makes for awesome posts. This was really inspiring and I am so excited for you. I am a little like you in that I am still trying to discover what I can do, but I do know that I no longer say I can't run "that" fast, because I don't know that and i think maybe I really can. :) It's fun to be fast.

  8. What a thoughtful post. Thank you for sharing that with us. I find it amazing how some of the prettiest, talented people can still feel insecure.

    It's hard to believe you've only been running consistently for a year. You have so much untapped potential, I keep coming back for more because I can't wait to see what you're up to next.

  9. This was kinda what I needed to be reading right now, and very inspiring. Congrats on Boston, it should be in GIGANTIC letters...not teeny tiny ones!

    I have always felt that running was a gift, but it wasn't until recently that I considered that gift a way to touch other peoples lives and make a difference in the world. As of late I am feeling a bit defeated, and this was a great gentle reminder that there is always a tomorrow and the possibilities are endless for what we can accomplish.

    Keep dreaming those running dreams, you are going to SMOKE US ALL!!!

  10. I read this a few times. Really really good both in terms of writing AND articulating your feelings. You are SO real Nicole. Yes, HUGE breath of fresh air! You have that X factor girl! Nothin's gonna get in your way!!! Congrats on Boston. I was so excited to see your name on the Entrants list the other morning. Really can't wait to meet you!!!

  11. thanks ladies!! I have tried to respond to you in my email b/c I dont' know if anyone checks back here. anyone know why I can't respond to some of you in my email though?

  12. back again. :)

    Just wanted to say AGAIN how PROUD I am of you! Look at what adversity you have overcome, friend.
    You have taken challenges and made them your fuel!

    Thanks for including the stuff about your childhood. So much of that shapes us.

    Can't wait to see you tap into that potential!

    Some people leave their email unavailable so they don't get any -- can get overwhelming

  13. Loved the smile in your header pic! You are a strong mama...thanks for sharing your heart! Hoping to see you in two weeks! YIPPEE!!

  14. You are incredible and I swear I say this all the time but I am in tears reading this. I so know those feelings of not amounting to anything and honestly still feel that and while I know I will probably never be the runner that some of you all are, I am ok with that. Not one of you ever ever make me feel any less and support me and my journey. My destiny may just be this ... realizing that I really am worthy and do have something to offer in this incredible "family" Thank you for sharing this. You bring me such joy following you and I am so proud of you and how far you have come from your injury! XOXOXOX!


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