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Friday, May 27, 2011

A few thoughts before I leave....

I just can't help but express a few thoughts.....
I am feeling really blessed by this blogging community I have found. A group of women, runners and mothers who I really "get" and feel they "get" me. I know I am a bit crazy and neurotic sometimes...and lately VAIN with my obsession to get abs before this trip to Maui but I really feel grateful and blessed but all that I read on your blogs.

I just read Amanda's blog post here and it is like reading my own thoughts. I find that A LOT with her writing....I unfortunately don't have the writing skills to articulate my thoughts the way she does...maybe I will just start copying and pasting those that relate to me? lol. I kidd. (speaking of how amazing she is, go vote for her HERE by simply clicking the thumbs up and help her stay in the top 10 of awesome mommy blogs! Pretty please?)

Anyway...her post about children only being little once really hits home with me. I have struggled for the past 2yrs trying to get my work situation to an even better place b/c I feel like my dear sweet baby girls are growing up so fast and I KNOW I can never go back.
each day that passes, I yearn to live over...somehow to stop the hands of time and just pause it for a moment.
I hate that My to do list is NEVER ending.
clean the house, do the laundry, EMAIL my brides back, EMAIL SOME MORE!, do up there contracts, put together their wedding day timelines for hair/makeup, email other wedding vendors, edit trial run photos, go to the bank, get groceries, make dinner (yeah right, that doesn't happen much lately), write a blog post;), read my friends blogs so they know I care, fit in my workouts, Run, run , run, spend time with my husband so he doesn't feel left behind, put some makeup on, wash my 4 day old hair, get megan to school on time, pick her up on time, etc etc etc
and my dilemma is that I want to cut the wedding/work part out of this equation but I CAN'T!

My husband has 8yrs of school behind him...which means a lot of loans for his tuition on his road to become a doctor of Chiropractic. and then we bought part ownership in our clinic in september which lead to more debt. we are sort of ANTI-Debt...so this is tough but necessary and we want to get out of it as soon as we can ...which means a few more weddings for me before I take a break:(
dont' get me wrong, I LOVE my business but I am burnt out and just want to be a full time crazy stay at home mom these days.
anyway...I think I sort of rambled there.

My point WAS....that I love all you people that I've met. I'm thankful there are other women out there that get my obsession and committment to running. I broke down to my husband tonight and cried. I told him how I WISHED I was younger and how I LOVE having a family ( of course I do!) but how some days I wish I had the freedom and time to just run my little heart out and chase this dream of becoming an elite marathoner...I WILL get that sub 3hr:):) but it might take a little longer than if I was young and single...and that's okay..some days though it's just hard.
I never had any dreams in my 20's....and now that I do, my time is so limited.

all in all, I know I am SO blessed to have the life I have.
I am so excited to wake my babies up at 5:45am tomorrow morning (yikes) and go see my mama in Maui! I have not seen her in a YEAR! and I can't wait to hug her!
there is nothing like a mothers hug...even at 32 yrs old...I can still remember the smell of her perfume when I was a little girl:) I hope my girls will remember mine.
I sure hope they wake up feeling better....Megan has a terrible cough, Erika has a sinus infection, ear infection, fever and weird ITCHY rash all over her body:(:( and my hubby has a fever too:( I'm PRAYING everyone is okay by tomorrow..... and that Erika's ears don't rupture on the plain like the doctor told me today they might do:(. poor baby.
Regardless, this time tomorrow I will already have been at the beach for about 8hrs! LOL

Good luck this weekend to Britt and Jenn on their races!!! can't wait to hear the awesome results!! love you ladies!! thanks for inspiring me!



6 comments:

  1. Awww, thanks for this Nicole! :) Made me smile. I think we all feel these things as mothers. I never feel like I do enough or have savored enough and I'm thankful for other moms (especially in the blog world) to support me, relate to me, and remind me that I'm not ALONE! :)

    You will get that sub 3hr and you'll find a way to balance it all..that's just who you are...or so it seems. :)

    Have so much stinking fun in Hawaii!! Enjoy the sun, your hot bod in a bikini, your kids and hugging your mama!! Hope to catch up when you get back. Thanks again for the support! It was great to talk to you on the phone today!

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  2. oh, and my speed shorts don't have pockets so I must have different shorts! :)

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  3. I am SO jealous! Hawaii is my most favourite place on earth! I've only been to Honolulu but Maui is definitely next on my list. I don't think you have to worry about the abs, you already rock them like it's nobody's business! Have an amazing vacation!!

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  4. Nicole, you are amazing! I love this post because it is very real and honest. You will get your sub-3hr dream, I just know it, even with kids, family and responsibilities.

    Enjoy your time in Maui - I'm SO jealous. Can't wait to see pictures of your amazing abs (and yes, they seriously rock!)!!! xo

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  5. Have a stupendously wonderful and relaxing and FUN!!!!! vacation!

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  6. Whoa this was exhausting, and I thought that I had a lot going on!!!

    But just wanted to say that I don't really think that your age puts limits on your abilities, AT ALL. You have plenty of time to keep rocking out those speedy miles, and most of all you have desire and heart for your running. Today I was beat by quite a few ladies that are in their late 40's and cruising along at well below 6:30 pace comfortably.

    And just for the record, you inspire me too my dear.

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